She wouldn't really hug me this morning. It was so painful. I just turned around and went back to bed.
Today is m's birthday party. To have to deal with this on what should be an amazingly happy occasion for my daughter is killing me inside. I don't know how I'm going to do this tonight. I will soldier on, somehow. Again I place my trust and hope in God to see me through these dark times.
God, help me to know the right things to say and do. Help her to see the error of her ways, help her to rededicate herself to us, help her to fall in love with me again. This is such an emotional rollercoaster. And I still want her to stay, no matter how many facts I have to face. I still love her. I still want her next to me and near me.
She is very tired she says. Just the thing a girl's game night will fix, right?
I wonder if she's just flat out losing it.
I have rehearsed our conversation a million times in my head. But what will I do when I ask her that first question:
1) Do you want to be married to me?
and she answers "no". I want that answer to be "yes" so bad I can't even stand it. Am I just delusional? Whatever happened with c happened, she can't deny it. If she does say "yes", I need to be STRONG. I need to lay down some ground rules for our future.
but if she answers "no"..
2) Do you want an active role in your daughter's life?
and she answers ...
What do I do then?
HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THIS!!!
