20130129

two years in a row, i'm bitten by a mosquito in january.

my alma mater plays tonight in a big game. i hate basketball but i've become a sports nut, perhaps in a misplaced bid for normalcy.

anyway. ran two miles again. it was almost 80 degrees this afternoon.

lunch: burger, side salad
dinner: chicken, cottage cheese, veggies

played piano with kiddo, watched her skate around the house, watched most of "the game plan" after dinner.

20130125

Ran two days in a row. Cleaned some things out.. I think given another year or three I may actually get bitchface's crap completely out of my house. Heh.

Chicken nuggets so far, that's it really.

20130124

i guess i should sleep. right after this. i'm a day behind on these blogs. fuckit!

lunch: chicken and cottage cheese
dinner: newk's salad
later: cereal, etc

lifting, girl scouts, bitchface, lifting, tpb, oblivion, guitar restringing, zZz?

20130123

Can't sleep so I may as well blog..

Chicken salad, chicken salad, cereal
That's what's up. No lifting, no nada.

Kiddo had a decent day, piano and dance.

I'm glad she is smiling. Maybe I will smile again too someday. Hope so.

20120122

whelp, i'm fine, kiddo is sick. threw up last night. letting her sleep in.

all i want to do is go into work this morning. bleh.

i need to post my workouts at some point.

breakfast: banana
lunch: half chicken, rice, asparagus
dinner: chicken, cottage cheese
later: protein pudding

20120121

woke up with headache. took medicine. it's neck related for sure.

headache is lingering. kiddo is bored.

fuck today. skyrimmed all morning.

had chicken. i may try and do upper body today. who knows. demotivated in general.


---

shopping complete. dinner complete. i even managed to do some upper body, but i'm still feeling like i wasted today. course, it is rather cold. i wish i could run. i wish kiddo could run with me.

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i also wish i had the balls to give my number out to the gorgeous girl who is into me.

20130120

Zoo, church, food, and now nfl/laundrypalooza. The exciting life of a single dad, try to control yourselves ladies...

20130118

Lunch: fried chicken salad
Dinner: turkey tenderloin, more chicken
Some chocolate and peanut butter toast crunch ( ... )

20130117

Breakfast: cereal
Lunch: chicken and cottage cheese
Dinner: steak, greens, cornbread
Later: oatmeal cookies

Fuck

20130112

all i ate was soup. my soup. an entire crockpot of it.
and a protein shake. i think i might vomit. just kidding.

20130111

no sleep. half day. napped and ran 2 mi in the afternoon. feel much better.
hope my boss doesn't kill me.

chick fil-a salad
some fish sticks

zZz

20130110

two newks salads.
no sleep.
fuck.

20130109

today:

small chicken salad at uc
two hot dogs with sauerkraut
some cereal
some more chicken

some upper body exercises, OHP and Bench

played Catan for kids with kiddo (who only got one show on tv), bought mary poppins musical tix.

fell asleep with her on the couch, moved her to her room.

stayed up a bit reading about 300 pages of codex alera book one.

then crashed out.

20130108-2

Food:
Grilled chicken and peas
Nuts
Turkey tenderloin and peaches

Est 1800 cals

2 mi run

20130108

slowly getting my sleep schedule back. ah who am i kidding no i'm not, it was still 2am, and i'm still retarded today, although i did run two miles somehow.

i am fat.

as i ran, i tried to imagine my body as a piece of hardware with my mind as the kernel, and what i would need to do to renice my exercise processes and attack whatever daemons keep my load average above 1. it's sad but it might just work for me, and allow me to attack this problem the only way i know how: logically and dispassionately.

to quoth the book of johnny mnemonic: "The only way is to hack your own brain".

20130104-2

the bbc sherlock show is the best thing ever. i slept from 4am-7am and again from 3pm-6pm. fuck.

20130104

I still can't sleep and I'm losing my mind but I'm in love with the canuck comedy "trailer park boys". What a strange fucking vacation this is.

20130103-2

release. the greatest gift of all.

20130103

Insomnia? Sure, no problem. I just have to get my kid to school in just a few hours. I can't run in this weather with no sleep. I'm going nuts this week :(

20130101-2

Meditation complete. I'm supposed to hold a picture in my mind of what I want. Trying to write a happy song, or at least, one focused on hope.

I did some introspection after the get together and I think one issue is that I tend to ask mundane conversational questions when nervous but the part of my brain devoted to creativity or levity becomes disconnected or severed during the process, resulting in banal interactions with nearly everyone. I was quite content to ask everyone about work (which no one wants to talk about really), geek stuff (which no woman in the room gives a damn about), and that's pretty much it. Whatever the pleasant small talk gene is, I'm going to need some coaching to rediscover it.

I realize I need social interaction, although I loathe it so. I need "my people", whoever that is. It may sadly result in a resubscription to wow, as I cannot seem to function outside the voice chat realm. I see geek girls around reddit and such, but invariably they have cats or something. Almost always a package deal. If I'm being honest with myself, I need to unhide my match profile and "go public". Here are my personal requirements on taking that step:

1. 205 lbs
2. New car? Probably not needed
3. ???

I need more friends, regardless of gender. How do people do this effectively and easily every day, when I cannot?

Hell I can't even hold onto the few friends I have left at this point... Who can blame them...

20130101

No one to kiss, and that loneliness pulls at me. Oh well, another round, another one down.