20121129
20121119
20121119
two miles.
fridge remnants for lunch, salad for dinner (cereal later)
monday night football, i guess. an early departure (would that i could be so lucky)
fridge remnants for lunch, salad for dinner (cereal later)
monday night football, i guess. an early departure (would that i could be so lucky)
20121118
20121118
up at 9.
to the park.
church at 10:30. threatened with hell.
so depressed i just want to call it at this point... but
lunch at 11:30. newk's favorite salad.
off to the big city park. paddle boats. playground.
over to the zoo.
dinner at 5:00. indian. too much food.
back for nfl and laundry and books and bed.
9:30 and my team is losing.
i had a protein shake (no milk).
to the park.
church at 10:30. threatened with hell.
so depressed i just want to call it at this point... but
lunch at 11:30. newk's favorite salad.
off to the big city park. paddle boats. playground.
over to the zoo.
dinner at 5:00. indian. too much food.
back for nfl and laundry and books and bed.
9:30 and my team is losing.
i had a protein shake (no milk).
20121117
20121117
i once found a girl who wasn't there
with knowing eyes and see through hair
in promenade through visions past
from a world that wasn't there
eleven years ago today
with plans to go she promised to stay
but couldn't take my breath away
with a kiss that wasn't there
encouraged anew to set apart
to replace an ending that wouldn't start
complacent dreams are all that's left
of a fate that wasn't there
and all aflutter from staring down
in restless slumber and thoughts aloud
the life and love she never found
from a man who wasn't there
20 mi bike, yard work, etc
with knowing eyes and see through hair
in promenade through visions past
from a world that wasn't there
eleven years ago today
with plans to go she promised to stay
but couldn't take my breath away
with a kiss that wasn't there
encouraged anew to set apart
to replace an ending that wouldn't start
complacent dreams are all that's left
of a fate that wasn't there
and all aflutter from staring down
in restless slumber and thoughts aloud
the life and love she never found
from a man who wasn't there
20 mi bike, yard work, etc
20121111
20121111
another 10 miles on the bike this morning, then a bunch more yard work. i'm beat.
bitchface showed up with douchenozzle to drop off kiddo. he waved. fuck him.
lunch: newk's favorite salad
dinner: chicken and protein shake
enjoyed the park but it was really windy.
and then the storm hit.
the saints won, so that's good. and alabama lost, also good.
kiddo wants to play, so i'm out.
---
10pm. a sudden rush of blood to the head. lightheadedness and heart racing. arms numb. if i'm out, it's been fun. going to lie in bed and wonder what i did wrong, and marvel at what i did right.
bitchface showed up with douchenozzle to drop off kiddo. he waved. fuck him.
lunch: newk's favorite salad
dinner: chicken and protein shake
enjoyed the park but it was really windy.
and then the storm hit.
the saints won, so that's good. and alabama lost, also good.
kiddo wants to play, so i'm out.
---
10pm. a sudden rush of blood to the head. lightheadedness and heart racing. arms numb. if i'm out, it's been fun. going to lie in bed and wonder what i did wrong, and marvel at what i did right.
20121110
20121110
biked 15 mi. had a protein bar along the way.
installed gutter screens on the entire back of the house and a little bit around the sides and downspouts.
also alabama lost. not a bad day all in all.
lunch: chicken, cottage cheese
snack: uncrustable
dinner: homemade soup
missing my kidlet a little but i've gotten stuff done.
---
and then at 11pm as i was trying to go to sleep, the depression hit.
the realization of how little i've accomplished since she left.
it's almost been two whole years... and i've done almost nothing. stagnated.
no dating. haven't really made much of a dent in my body situation, which i still believe is the key to my happiness.
i did go to the beach and take my shirt off.
i beat a bunch of video games.
i kept the parenting boat afloat.
and yet i feel like i'm winning the battles and losing the war.
going to cry myself to sleep and wish for a drug to grant me release.
trapped in a shell, my intention is strong
with a mouthful of water, I can break through a stone
carried on a dove, I have dropped from the sky
now the ground is above and my goal is set high
reach out with a kiss from my mother
reach out just to smile at my father
straight like a wand, my magic is simple
sensing your laughter, the breeze makes me nimble
my colors displayed, I am ready to travel
on the back of a bee, all my children unravel
installed gutter screens on the entire back of the house and a little bit around the sides and downspouts.
also alabama lost. not a bad day all in all.
lunch: chicken, cottage cheese
snack: uncrustable
dinner: homemade soup
missing my kidlet a little but i've gotten stuff done.
---
and then at 11pm as i was trying to go to sleep, the depression hit.
the realization of how little i've accomplished since she left.
it's almost been two whole years... and i've done almost nothing. stagnated.
no dating. haven't really made much of a dent in my body situation, which i still believe is the key to my happiness.
i did go to the beach and take my shirt off.
i beat a bunch of video games.
i kept the parenting boat afloat.
and yet i feel like i'm winning the battles and losing the war.
going to cry myself to sleep and wish for a drug to grant me release.
trapped in a shell, my intention is strong
with a mouthful of water, I can break through a stone
carried on a dove, I have dropped from the sky
now the ground is above and my goal is set high
reach out with a kiss from my mother
reach out just to smile at my father
straight like a wand, my magic is simple
sensing your laughter, the breeze makes me nimble
my colors displayed, I am ready to travel
on the back of a bee, all my children unravel
20121108
20121108
lunch: chicken and cottage cheese
dinner: shitty salad from lenny's
later: protein shake good lord too much
the girl i liked thinks i'm a creeper, saw her this morning... oh well, another beautiful woman who thinks i'm a weirdo.
watching nfl tonight.
fml i prayed for mercy
dinner: shitty salad from lenny's
later: protein shake good lord too much
the girl i liked thinks i'm a creeper, saw her this morning... oh well, another beautiful woman who thinks i'm a weirdo.
watching nfl tonight.
fml i prayed for mercy
20121107
20121107
lunch: burger
dinner: omelet, chicken
later: a bit of halloween candy
made dinner for me and my kid, cleaned out some gutters, installed some gutter screens, went to the park, walked the dog, gave my kid a bath, played soccer in the house, etc
dinner: omelet, chicken
later: a bit of halloween candy
made dinner for me and my kid, cleaned out some gutters, installed some gutter screens, went to the park, walked the dog, gave my kid a bath, played soccer in the house, etc
20121105
20121105-2
thanksgiving planning with the ex:
ex: you can either have her Wednesday-Saturday or Thursday evening-Sunday
me: i'd like her to be with me on Thanksgiving, our family is doing something earlier in the day
ex: okay but you'll get her back on Saturday, i'm doing something that night
(an hour later)
ex: actually i'm supposed to have her on Thanksgiving, i'll keep her Thursday-Saturday
me: hah, why give me the option if you're just going to play games?
no response.
ex: you can either have her Wednesday-Saturday or Thursday evening-Sunday
me: i'd like her to be with me on Thanksgiving, our family is doing something earlier in the day
ex: okay but you'll get her back on Saturday, i'm doing something that night
(an hour later)
ex: actually i'm supposed to have her on Thanksgiving, i'll keep her Thursday-Saturday
me: hah, why give me the option if you're just going to play games?
no response.
20121105
lunch: salad
dinner: salad
later: not salad (chicken and cottage cheese)
have i forgotten so quickly indeed
the blues and greys and wants and needs
tried so hard to finish the race
running the hallways, subliminal daze
hammered it down one week at a time
what's lost to the loss of the loser's grind
a mishmash of happenstance, memories aground
i miss that freedom so dearly, that sound
of silence, as i sit here, mid-recompense
with these phrases and chords that'll never make sense
fearing what i can't understand
how to live a child a die a man
dinner: salad
later: not salad (chicken and cottage cheese)
have i forgotten so quickly indeed
the blues and greys and wants and needs
tried so hard to finish the race
running the hallways, subliminal daze
hammered it down one week at a time
what's lost to the loss of the loser's grind
a mishmash of happenstance, memories aground
i miss that freedom so dearly, that sound
of silence, as i sit here, mid-recompense
with these phrases and chords that'll never make sense
fearing what i can't understand
how to live a child a die a man
20121104
20121104
lunch: hot dog, chicken fingers
dinner: two pieces of bbq chicken pizza
later: protein shake, two pieces of sausage, cottage cheese
dinner: two pieces of bbq chicken pizza
later: protein shake, two pieces of sausage, cottage cheese
20121103
20121101
20121101
lunch: newk's favorite salad
dinner: 6oz sirloin, sweet potato, veggies
later: chicken, cottage cheese
this morning: animal show
then lunch
then a trip to the playground at the huge city park
then a walk around the lake
then dinner
then petsmart for treats and a new dog bone
then target for carmex and other random stuff
then home for books and bed and kungfu
now nfl
probably ate too much today. the plan is to get her to school in the morning, then come back and either go back to sleep, depending, or go on a long bike ride.
my head was clear all day but i feel cloudy and crappy again.
so i decided to sit on the couch and watch this masterpiece via the 360 youtube app.
dinner: 6oz sirloin, sweet potato, veggies
later: chicken, cottage cheese
this morning: animal show
then lunch
then a trip to the playground at the huge city park
then a walk around the lake
then dinner
then petsmart for treats and a new dog bone
then target for carmex and other random stuff
then home for books and bed and kungfu
now nfl
probably ate too much today. the plan is to get her to school in the morning, then come back and either go back to sleep, depending, or go on a long bike ride.
my head was clear all day but i feel cloudy and crappy again.
so i decided to sit on the couch and watch this masterpiece via the 360 youtube app.
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