20120531

lunch: chicken and cottage cheese, some cheerios
dinner: steak and squash

kiddo spent the day with her cousin, and i had one last day to myself.

finished tension and sidelong. good stuff.

20120530

well, i went to pick up my kid today. because she wouldn't eat at my ex's house, and was just generally upset at being over there at all.

homesick, etc.

lunch: newk's ultimate salad i think
dinner: fuck i dont even know

i was so utterly destroyed today i don't even know what happened. i need to put up the text messages but it's just not in me. she's a controlling dickbag, that is sufficient for now.

Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 5 reps (+57 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
275 lb x 1 reps (+81 pts)
275 lb x 3 reps (+119 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
Barbell Deadlift:
135 lb x 5 reps (+57 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+57 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 10 reps (+124 pts)
295 lb x 1 reps (+93 pts)
315 lb x 1 reps (+106 pts)
Barbell Bench Press:
135 lb x 10 reps (+77 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
205 lb x 4 reps (+96 pts)
225 lb x 1 reps (+66 pts)
Romanian Deadlift:
135 lb x 5 reps (+52 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+72 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+72 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+72 pts)

20120529

text message received: "m wants to come home. she is making herself upset and sick and won't eat. we have explained that you have to work and that there isn't anyone home to stay with her, but she just keeps saying she wants you. I want her to stay and work through this but she is really making herself sick. I have asked her to calm herself down with deep breaths before we talk about it, or before she calls you. Sometimes she is ok, but she wants to come home and I am asking if you want her to. If not, you need to explain why not, and if so, you'll need to come get her this evening."

total lack of parenting ability? check.
attempted delegation of all responsibility? check.

wtf am i going to do?

i went and got my kid, that's what i did.

lunch: grilled chicken salad from newk's
dinner: a piece of chicken, some cheerios, milk

no lifting. no recording. just drama.

20120528

breakfast: four egg omelet and mini sausages
lunch: chicken breast, stir fry
dinner?: some baby cereal back at the house with protein powder

kiddo has called twice. she is homesick. i explained to bitchface that i am her home, but she is insistent on "teaching her a lesson", so she won't be coming home until friday. she then tells me i am too indulgent on her.

i can almost bet i'll get a copout message soon.

20120527

lunch: two pieces of salmon
dinner: two hot dogs, sausage and cheese, some nuts

my friend funkshun had a party tonight, so i went. no kiddo around, just me. i got all nervous thinking there might be women there but .. there weren't. the good news is that my nervous energy resulted in two spotless bathrooms at my place before i left. wishful fucking thinking indeed.

so my friend found out he's having a kid (i did happen to notice a hole in the wall when i came in), and i tried to give him good advice. i never in a million years would have imagined he'd be a dad, but i guess everyone has to settle down eventually, whether you want to or not.

stayed at mom's overnight. fell asleep in a foldout with music in my ears.

20120526

cycled 10mi today. then mowed the front yard.

breakfast: leftover soup
lunch: chicken, cottage cheese, turnip greens
dinner: oatmeal with protein powder

bitchface put me into a terrible mood/state tonight, and i think i took it out on my friend. i hope i didn't hurt her, because that wasn't(is never) my intent. fml.

20120525

kiddo's last day at school. she's got to be the only kid not excited about it this morning, and that's purely because she has to spend the weekend/week with my ex. bleh.

lunch: chicken and cottage cheese
dinner: homemade soup

Barbell Bench Press:
135 lb x 10 reps (+77 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 5 reps (+57 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
Front Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
Barbell Shrug:
135 lb x 5 reps (+24 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+45 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+45 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+45 pts)
295 lb x 5 reps (+72 pts)
295 lb x 5 reps (+72 pts)
Standing Barbell Shoulder Press:
95 lb x 5 reps (+69 pts)
95 lb x 5 reps (+69 pts)
95 lb x 5 reps (+69 pts)
95 lb x 5 reps (+69 pts)
95 lb x 5 reps (+69 pts)
Barbell Deadlift:
185 lb x 5 reps (+81 pts)
255 lb x 3 reps (+104 pts)
255 lb x 3 reps (+104 pts)
255 lb x 3 reps (+104 pts)


nightmare 1: she's having sex with guys and girls, i tell boyfriend and he's okay with it. why is this going on inside my house, and why is this dream going on inside my head. i want a reset switch. so tired of dried up tears. there's no escape.
except to burrow deeper within.

20120524

i never knew that this, could be my fondest wish
standing bathed in gold, invited to the grove
and even in their midst, determined to exist
you think i'm standing still, but there's an iron will (to grow)

lunch: canned chicken, cottage cheese, canned mixed vegetables, some leftover cereal and cashews (fuck, overate)
dinner: protein powder-infused baby oatmeal

spent the evening with my kiddo. too tired to do much else.

20120523

moe's opened a new location near the workplace so we went by for a (free) lunch on their opening day. it was okay i guess.

lunch: steak salad
dinner: omelet

Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 5 reps (+57 pts)
205 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
Barbell Deadlift:
135 lb x 10 reps (+68 pts)
135 lb x 10 reps (+68 pts)
205 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
255 lb x 3 reps (+104 pts)
255 lb x 3 reps (+104 pts)
255 lb x 3 reps (+104 pts)
Plank:
60 sec (+21 pts)
60 sec (+21 pts)
60 sec (+21 pts)

20120522

lunch: grilled chicken salad
dinner: salad bar at jason's

went to the library and she got some books. off to jason's for dinner, then swung by kroger's.

no lifting tonight except some light deadlifting... ran out of time.

20120521

lunch: grilled chicken salad
dinner: chicken
and: protein shake

Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 5 reps (+57 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+57 pts)
205 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
255 lb x 3 reps (+104 pts)
255 lb x 3 reps (+104 pts)
255 lb x 3 reps (+104 pts)
255 lb x 3 reps (+104 pts)
255 lb x 3 reps (+104 pts)
fighting some lingering issues in my arm, can't really do much besides squatting at the moment
Plank:
60 sec (+21 pts)
60 sec (+21 pts)
60 sec (+21 pts)

went to the park afterwards.

tough monday.

20120520

up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare where some zoo animals escaped.. and were hungry. i'm sure i'll have another when i go back to sleep.

so a (fairly hot) girl comes to my front door this morning saying she lost her cell phone last night and she tracked it via gps to this general area. i tell her i don't have it (unfortunately) and she went away. i close the door and m says "well that was a total waste of pants". awesome.

lunch: chicken
dinner: salad w/chicken at parentals

20120519

lunch: chicken and cottage cheese
dinner: cobb salad at newk's

m had a pool party this morning. she had a blast. i read a philip wylie book and hid from adult conversation as best i could. most of the moms know my routine and leave me alone.

came home and we both napped a bit. went back out to go see pirates band of misfits at the theater. saw/talked with a former relative at the restaurant.

she wanted to go on a bike ride but her bike is simply too big for her. i'm going down to mom's tomorrow i think and let her try this one we got at a yard sale for $20. it may actually be better for her.

she had some pizza and cake at the party, chicken/pears for lunch, ham sandwich and fruit for dinner, and we split an uncrustable just now. we also caught fireflies.

i have a headache and need some me time.

20120517

A distress signal behind enemy lines
Uncouple the brakes along the way
A counter-offensive we can believe in
Essential to the failure of the mission
A brand new entertainment venture
General admission to everyone save one
A misdirection of forces and virtues
Smitten by the sick coercion of self
A mystery of continued exertion
Deliberating for the same old verdict
A tireless spectacle of resistance
Lift until the weight falls asunder
A plan to break from the mold
Foolproof nature precludes success
A never-ending battle of will and woe
Chords provide little to no comfort
A new tune for the moribund troubadour
Revolting in its perpetual sameness
A mirror image skids to a dead stop
Support never got the signal, sir

lunch: chicken and cottage cheese
and: protein shake
dinner: chicken strips salad at chick fil'a

two nine minute miles today. fuck everyone who looked at me today.

20120516-2

The celibate afterlife
Spoonfed aphorisms
Hope and deliverance
A change of address
More cracked pavement
A bonfire for regret
Extinguish all else
Fantasies confined
Reset the thermostat
Don't forget to lock up

20120516

see something you like? cause i don't
got a middleman just to make the light
with a hand brushing the ceiling
or is it the roof this go around
not a soul on my tail anymore
another figment of my imagination
got a ticket for the blue line
but i haven't yet paid the toll
the lemonade stand in my head
is handing out all the sweet parts
a fire sale full of lighters
ignite the leftovers already
late at night, call it a day

lunch: burger and sweet potato fries
dinner: i dont even know

20120515

looks like i missed some days. just assume i ate chicken.

volleyball on friday at the company picnic.. i wish i could do it every day, i'd be in AMAZING shape.

mother's day was great.. haven't seen the middle brother in a long time so that was nice. i still need to talk to my attorney regarding the latest child support papers.

last night's workout. new PR in the squat.

Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 10 reps (+68 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+57 pts)
205 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
205 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
235 lb x 5 reps (+113 pts)
255 lb x 3 reps (+104 pts)
255 lb x 3 reps (+104 pts)
255 lb x 3 reps (+104 pts)
275 lb x 1 reps (+81 pts)
Front Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)

and then i went to the park with kiddo and pooch. which is sort of like turner and hooch but not.

more recording this week? i guess i need to pick a song or three. i got distracted writing "wonder".

who am i, asking for more hours in a day, anyway

still playing new vegas.

lunch: chicken and cottage cheese
dinner: steak
then: insane protein shake (banana, baby oatmeal, protein powder, milk, ice)

20120513

saturday with no child. recorded a song.

20120512

xbox and songwriting this morning. crock pot is going.

i feel like i want to squat.

it annoys me when i get a song written minus one line.

played a lot of fallout. found a tick on my leg (before it could bite). now i'm freaked out. bought a bike for me and some frontline for my dog today.

lunch: lemon butter cod
dinner: bison stew
later: protein oatmeal
later2: nuts and honey

unbelievably vivid and terrible dreams. bitchface's impact and control over my thoughts has returned en masse. it's 4AM and i doubt i'll be able to get back to sleep.

20120511

the company picnic is today. i'm dressed for the occasion. this is the level of casual i was born to wear.

lunch: one wimpy piece of chicken, beans and slaw.. fucking stingy bastards
dinner: chicken and cottage cheese
later: oatmeal with protein powder mixed in

got a lot of sun, played for three hours, completely destroyed. watched the crossfit championships on the 360 espn app, good stuff.
playing through fallout: new vegas. wrote a refrain to my latest song.. well, the music anyway, the words will come to me. they usually do, at least.
i'm about to get the crock pot started for my usual saturday fare.

all of this is a distraction from the fact that my daughter is not here this weekend.

20120510

lunch: burger and sweet potato fries
dinner: craptastic chicken salad at chik-fil-a
later: i dunno? nuts?

no exercise. arm still wonky. park trip and conversed with actual females. creepy vibe conveyed as always.

bitchface phone call. yelling boyfriend, etc. depression worsening. suicidal fantasies on mother's day weekend. great.

20120509

ran three miles.

lunch: chicken and cottage cheese
dinner: mahi mahi, sweet potatoes, rice

20120508

lunch: grilled chicken salad, bleu cheese
dinner: chicken, veggies
later: oatmeal, protein, nuts

bicep weirdness prevented me from doing anything except two wimpy sets of squats. i am running tomorrow if i possibly can.

20120507

lunch: three kinds of chicken
dinner: more chicken, a couple of eggs (hard boiled)
later: protein

got served today. great.

and then she puked. and then i had to pick her up.

no lifting today.

20120506

lunch: i think i eventually ate chicken and cottage cheese
dinner: omelet and bacon, protein PWO
and then: protein and oatmeal

feeling AMAZING after a 300lb PR deadlift. nothing is gonna bring me down. well, cept tomorrow maybe.

Barbell Deadlift:
135 lb x 10 reps (+68 pts)
205 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
255 lb x 5 reps (+129 pts)
300 lb x 3 reps (+141 pts)
300 lb x 1 reps (+96 pts)
well damn, i just deadlifted every plate i own.. now i have to buy more plates #fitocracyworldproblems
Dumbbell Bench Press:
40 lb x 10 reps (+68 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+68 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+68 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+68 pts)
50 lb x 10 reps (+78 pts)
Hammer Dumbbell Curl:
30 lb x 10 reps (+19 pts)
30 lb x 10 reps (+19 pts)
30 lb x 10 reps (+19 pts)
40 lb x 5 reps (+17 pts)
40 lb x 5 reps (+17 pts)

20120505

happy cinco de mayo. my daughter's recital is today. as long as she does okay, i will be okay.

:|

did fine. bitchface told.

breakfast: eggs and bacon
lunch: chicken and cottage cheese
dinner: a few fish sticks, some baby cereal and mostly protein

her fever is back up. DAMNIT.

Running:
0:20:34 || 2.1 mi (+213 pts)
Barbell Squat:
65 lb x 5 reps (+36 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
Barbell Curl:
65 lb x 10 reps (+18 pts)
65 lb x 10 reps (+18 pts)
65 lb x 10 reps (+18 pts)
Romanian Deadlift:
135 lb x 5 reps (+52 pts)
155 lb x 5 reps (+59 pts)
155 lb x 5 reps (+59 pts)
165 lb x 5 reps (+63 pts)
175 lb x 5 reps (+68 pts)
Triceps Pushdown - Rope Attachment:
45 lb x 15 reps (+11 pts)
45 lb x 15 reps (+11 pts)
45 lb x 15 reps (+11 pts)

20120504

whirlwind day. went to work, came home for lunch, back to work, back home, got the call that kiddo's fever had spiked again (102) and so instead of working out and trying to decompress, i drove back down to the parentals to spend the night with her. tomorrow is her dance recital. i just want her to be able to dance and have a good time, and be free of bitchface's drama train.

lunch: chicken and cottage cheese
dinner: salmon croquettes, broccoli
later: baby cereal, pb

20120503

so after four days of my ex not calling while my kid's been home with a fever, she texts and asks how her daughter is doing. so i got the bright idea to put her on the phone, against my kid's wishes. the conversation went something like this:

"hey mom"
"hey how're you doing?"
"not good"
"what's wrong"
".... well, i'm sick"
"there's no reason to take an attitude with me"
"..."
"you need to get better so i can take you out for ice cream after your dance recital on saturday"
"..."
"well, i just got to the gym, so let me call you back when i get out"
"bye mom"

afterwards i just held her and we cried a little bit for the loss of this person we used to know. there's no way i'm putting that bitch on the phone with my child any more today.
fuck her.

lunch: chicken, protein shake

20120502

lunch: burger, sweet potato fries
in between: two homemade banana nut muffins
dinner: homemade chicken soup
and afterwards: oatmeal and another muffin.. grrr self control.

i'm so fucking full right now i could burst. also exhausted. also extremely relieved my kid is on the mend. totally overwhelmed with the amount of shit going on this weekend.

tomorrow i have to grab a bunch of decorative shit necessary to make a dino thing at school. saturday is her recital. sunday is a birthday party and a concert at my old school. too many social situations woven in between those to count.

20120501

she vomited at midnight and again at six. fmt.

lunch: chicken and cottage cheese
dinner: probably the same thing i don't know today has been a blur

Barbell Squat:
45 lb x 10 reps (+37 pts)
135 lb x 10 reps (+68 pts)
205 lb x 10 reps (+109 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
Seated Cable Row:
95 lb x 15 reps (+33 pts)
145 lb x 10 reps (+44 pts)
145 lb x 10 reps (+44 pts)
Woodchoppers:
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
done with a 40 lb dumbbell
Standing One-Arm Dumbbell Push Press:
40 lb x 5 reps (+20 pts)
40 lb x 5 reps (+20 pts)
40 lb x 5 reps (+20 pts)
done from floor
Wide-Grip Lat Pulldown:
95 lb x 10 reps (+29 pts)
95 lb x 10 reps (+29 pts)
95 lb x 10 reps (+29 pts)
Plank:
60 sec (+21 pts)
60 sec (+21 pts)
60 sec (+21 pts)
Push-Up:
10 reps (+15 pts)
10 reps (+15 pts)
10 reps (+15 pts)
superset with planks