fixed a bunch of work stuff at 2am
played DQ8 at 11am
snacked
got kiddo back at 12pm
ate
took kiddo to sisters house for baby shower at 1pm
snacked
went for a bike ride at 4pm
ate
took flynn on a walk at 7pm
The neighborhood crazy lady tailed me on the other side of the street until I finally took my earbuds out and told her Flynn wasn't social
She spent 10 minutes harassing me while I ignored her...
She trapped Maddie and me in the park once for thirty minutes, we were covered in mosquito bites and Flynn had fleas from her two dogs by the time we got home
Which is why I didn't want him near them. She literally stopped in the middle of the street with her two dogs and stared at me until I addressed her
Ugh sorry that was just.. Unsettling
She's autistic I think, she's got that loud crazy laugh after everything she says
20140629
20140626
20140626
From "The Wind through the Keyhole", which I just finished:
In the end, the wind takes everything, doesn't it? And why not? Why other? If the sweetness of our lives did not depart, there would be no sweetness at all.
Ran again today. Maybe I'll sleep normally tonight.
The mark bell powercast was phenomenal tonight. I need to apply some of this wisdom towards myself and my kiddo.
I have to soldier on.
In the end, the wind takes everything, doesn't it? And why not? Why other? If the sweetness of our lives did not depart, there would be no sweetness at all.
Ran again today. Maybe I'll sleep normally tonight.
The mark bell powercast was phenomenal tonight. I need to apply some of this wisdom towards myself and my kiddo.
I have to soldier on.
20140623
20140623
The unrepentant fat guy version of me who eats without reason or remorse again took over this afternoon. There were no survivors.
Lunch: bbq chicken, green beans, twice baked potato salad, half a piece of toast
After work: banana bread, chocolate morsels, mixed nuts, trail mix
When I finally came to, the trail mix was gone. I hadn't even had dinner. The Newk's girl situation is pulling at me. I need sex, food and attention. This week is going to be interesting.
Maybe I'll have a date at the end of it.
20140620
20140620
halfway to 38. been a long time since i even recognized a half birthday. maybe the first time.
ran two days in a row. played fallout. kiddo started off the day in the hospital for her tummy.
my mom is the best.
ran two days in a row. played fallout. kiddo started off the day in the hospital for her tummy.
my mom is the best.
20140619
20140619
why is running, one of the most physically demanding and jarring activities i could possibly choose, one of the most emotionally redemptive and mollifying forces available to me? is it simply self-flagellation? does it matter?
20140618
I am a coward. The origin of this conclusion, as well as it's first appearance, remains unclear. What is certain is that this is now a certainty. I've recently taken to swimming with my child in public. I am disgusting, and my lack of self confidence is constantly exposed by repeatedly asking my poor, innocent daughter to affirm or negate my appearance. I cannot imagine taking this rotting carcass to another's doorstep. I alleviate the lingering physical longings artificially. I can't seem to find artificial love, artificial companionship, to allay to constant longings and ever present loneliness. I deserve nothing, and there's no magical karmatic reward for unraveling the puzzle of self, being a good father, or solving the unsolvable technical problem at my desk. Everything is an escape, and I'm tired of it, tired of all of it. Rip off the fucking scabs already, and face the bare wires of a unrequited humanity. I am here, I am present and accounted for, and it doesn't matter, because, like I said, I am a coward.
20140617
20140617
no throw up but diarrhea all morning. missed a day of her art camp. fuck. took her to the dr instead, had some blood drawn for a lactose intolerance test, but i'm thinking it's ibs, which also affects her mother, grandmother, and great grandmother apparently.
20140610
20140608
20140608
Kiddo came home feeling like crap, threw up her breakfast and has been cramping on and off.
This is a food diary for her weekend with a:
Friday:
Breakfast: oatmeal
Lunch: pb&j, yogurt, nuts
Dinner: chicken breast, mixed veggies, avocado
Saturday:
Breakfast: cinnamon waffle
Lunch: Ham/cheese lunchable
Dinner: two hot dogs w/cheese
Snack: two mini candy bars
Dessert: cream horn (half)
Sunday:
Breakfast: oatmeal
(Vomit)
Lunch: pb&j
Dinner: chicken noodle soup, ham
20140607
20140607
took a week off work. ostensibly to relax, record some music, workout, and also relax.
out of those five days, i ended up being at work two days for a health screening, wherein the state medical folks forgot their equipment.
i ended up without air conditioning for two days, and had "technicians" in my home for three days attempting to fix it. i'm still not convinced the leak is fixed, but it's merely dripping now, rather than the drip pan completely full of water, so that's a plus i guess. initially they had to replace a capacitor on the blower. at least i got two 'free' service calls out of the deal.
been swimming on and off with kiddo, so that was nice.
intended to do at least one prep run this week for the 5k i ran last night, but plantar fasciitis decided it wanted to leave some bruises on the bottom of my foot in front of the heel, indicating i would be a moron to run. it did heal, and i got to run my 5k, although it was delayed thirty minutes because of weather issues, and my (awesome) ride was forced to drive around and wait for me. hamstrings are shot today!
so now it's saturday. i woke up around 10, made myself some coffee, and teetered around alternating between trine 2 on the ps4 and tending to my dog, who is not feeling well today at all. i started lifting, took a break to take the dog around the park, and ended up carrying him back into the home.
it's now 4pm, and i've one set left on my somewhat unplanned workout, and have yet to eat a meal. and i haven't recorded a single thing this week.
bb squat: 135#x5, 225#x5x5
bb overhead press: 95#x10, 95#x5x4
(superset) situps: 25x3 / db side bends: 45#x15x3 / db kroc rows: 45#x15x3
(superset) chinups: 5x5 / bb curls: 45#x10x5
out of those five days, i ended up being at work two days for a health screening, wherein the state medical folks forgot their equipment.
i ended up without air conditioning for two days, and had "technicians" in my home for three days attempting to fix it. i'm still not convinced the leak is fixed, but it's merely dripping now, rather than the drip pan completely full of water, so that's a plus i guess. initially they had to replace a capacitor on the blower. at least i got two 'free' service calls out of the deal.
been swimming on and off with kiddo, so that was nice.
intended to do at least one prep run this week for the 5k i ran last night, but plantar fasciitis decided it wanted to leave some bruises on the bottom of my foot in front of the heel, indicating i would be a moron to run. it did heal, and i got to run my 5k, although it was delayed thirty minutes because of weather issues, and my (awesome) ride was forced to drive around and wait for me. hamstrings are shot today!
so now it's saturday. i woke up around 10, made myself some coffee, and teetered around alternating between trine 2 on the ps4 and tending to my dog, who is not feeling well today at all. i started lifting, took a break to take the dog around the park, and ended up carrying him back into the home.
it's now 4pm, and i've one set left on my somewhat unplanned workout, and have yet to eat a meal. and i haven't recorded a single thing this week.
bb squat: 135#x5, 225#x5x5
bb overhead press: 95#x10, 95#x5x4
(superset) situps: 25x3 / db side bends: 45#x15x3 / db kroc rows: 45#x15x3
(superset) chinups: 5x5 / bb curls: 45#x10x5
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