yeah i'm nuts. i considered for a moment that mood altering chemicals might be in our food, such that depression and anxiety are a result of our diet.
that's nuts! ... but it would sell a lot of prescription drugs!
20150930
20150929
20150929
I am going to die. Everyone I've ever loved, including my child, will die too. I can either endlessly lament this fact, fight it, as I have for so long, or simply ACCEPT it and move on with my life. Content to push ahead and to never again make a decision out of fear.
I must surround myself with positive people. I must forestall the demons that shutter my mouth and contain my thoughts in the presence of others, out of propriety, shyness, out of weakness.
I must just be me.
Vulnerable. It's alright.
Guide me safely in.
also, paz is fucking hot in this video.
Every decision I've made from a place of fear has been a failure. And what's the point of fear when you're willing to accept mortality as a given, without fear, and push past the worry, the guilt, and the EMOTION of it all.
I vow to strive to never again make a decision from a place of fear. I will fail at this, from time to time, but I will consciously remind myself of this moment, when clarity of purpose finally defeated the uncertainty of doubt.
I must surround myself with positive people. I must forestall the demons that shutter my mouth and contain my thoughts in the presence of others, out of propriety, shyness, out of weakness.
I must just be me.
Vulnerable. It's alright.
Guide me safely in.
also, paz is fucking hot in this video.
20150928
There are few things more reprehensible than a bunch of rich, entitled, ostensibly Catholic private school kids yelling "body slam her" and "hurt #10" at an elementary school soccer game.
20150928
20150926
20150926-2
Got about four hours of sleep. It's now 5am. Still surreal, surrounded by old faces in old places. Was convinced by one of my only hs friends to even go.
Honestly it was really good to reconnect with two other old friends. I guess I should've counted on the fact that mainly the jocks would come to something like this: very few of the kids I had class with showed.
And then there was that one autistic ultra right wing lunatic guy who wouldn't leave me alone the entire night. My friend told him off multiple times but it never sunk in.
There was a football game too, I guess.
Im really glad that my friend invited me to his place afterwards though. We had a few beers and just chilled.
There was an entire Facebook thread of bigotry and stupidity leading up to this, as the jacks planned a house party that I'm gonna be nowhere near. I turned it into a mini-game, blocking pretty much the lot of them. Glad to be done with it. Fuck that place.
20150921
20150921
i just realized something.
i need/deserve a decent guitar. no, a *nice* guitar.
i've spent a lot of money on bullshit lately, but i should really pony up and get a taylor or something that i can play and be proud of for the rest of my life.
hmm.
i need/deserve a decent guitar. no, a *nice* guitar.
i've spent a lot of money on bullshit lately, but i should really pony up and get a taylor or something that i can play and be proud of for the rest of my life.
hmm.
20150919
20150919
wow. are you fucking kidding me.
pulling into grocery store after picking up kidlet. bitchface calls. sigh. she's on speakerphone in the parking lot.
crying.
telling me her dad is not gonna buy the car. it's in her STBX's name. of course.
so she's gonna need to go buy a car. of course.
and she doesn't want to go by herself. she wants a man with her. of course.
her credit is undoubtedly so shredded that purchasing a car will be nigh impossible.
more crying. of course.
and my kid is nodding at me telling me to go. i told her
"i'll think about it"
but i'm going to suggest her cousin go with her. because he's a fucking mechanic. and also i just don't want to go.
the last thing on earth i need is to dive into that fucking drama again.
pulling into grocery store after picking up kidlet. bitchface calls. sigh. she's on speakerphone in the parking lot.
crying.
telling me her dad is not gonna buy the car. it's in her STBX's name. of course.
so she's gonna need to go buy a car. of course.
and she doesn't want to go by herself. she wants a man with her. of course.
her credit is undoubtedly so shredded that purchasing a car will be nigh impossible.
more crying. of course.
and my kid is nodding at me telling me to go. i told her
"i'll think about it"
but i'm going to suggest her cousin go with her. because he's a fucking mechanic. and also i just don't want to go.
the last thing on earth i need is to dive into that fucking drama again.
20150918
20150918
almost the same line, albeit on synth. maybe this was the song i was looking for. anyway, i've now found both!
20150915
20150915-2
this is one of the happiest days of my entire life. no hyperbole. for one of the most silly, inconsequential reasons ever.
a song with one of most badass diminished horn lines has eluded my identification for the greater part of my life. i've heard it countless times and never been able to pin it down.. until tonight. kiddo and i sat in a new restaurant in midtown tonight and damnit if it didn't start up in the background, horn line and all. crowded restaurant or not, i stopped her mid-sentence and held my phone up until shazam nailed it. "the groove line" by heatwave. i almost jumped out of my seat in excitement.
had the day off because her art teacher passed from cancer very quickly. the school closed so the faculty could attend the funeral. for our part, we did putt-putt, arcades (galaga, drumming, driving) and tried the aforementioned restaurant, which was fantastic.
i've listened to this song at least 10 times and put it on my phone. love your worries behind!
a song with one of most badass diminished horn lines has eluded my identification for the greater part of my life. i've heard it countless times and never been able to pin it down.. until tonight. kiddo and i sat in a new restaurant in midtown tonight and damnit if it didn't start up in the background, horn line and all. crowded restaurant or not, i stopped her mid-sentence and held my phone up until shazam nailed it. "the groove line" by heatwave. i almost jumped out of my seat in excitement.
had the day off because her art teacher passed from cancer very quickly. the school closed so the faculty could attend the funeral. for our part, we did putt-putt, arcades (galaga, drumming, driving) and tried the aforementioned restaurant, which was fantastic.
i've listened to this song at least 10 times and put it on my phone. love your worries behind!
20150912
20150912
a good day for a ride, methinks.
staying positive. even in the face of infinitesimal struggles. everything is nothing. and that's okay!
staying positive. even in the face of infinitesimal struggles. everything is nothing. and that's okay!
20150910
20150910
a momentous week.
got a dude replacing my entire fence.
kiddo's art teacher died of cancer.
and
...
last but not least
...
bitchface is getting a divorce.
got a dude replacing my entire fence.
kiddo's art teacher died of cancer.
and
...
last but not least
...
bitchface is getting a divorce.
20150907
20150906
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