20111028-2

the latest acquisition: KSOs.

20111028

first real routine on the power cage. ignore the fitocracy points... didn't feel like editing them out. hope i can walk tomorrow!

Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 5 reps (+47 pts)
155 lb x 5 reps (+54 pts)
155 lb x 5 reps (+54 pts)

Barbell Bench Press:
135 lb x 5 reps (+47 pts)
155 lb x 5 reps (+54 pts)
155 lb x 5 reps (+54 pts)
155 lb x 5 reps (+54 pts)
155 lb x 5 reps (+54 pts)

Barbell Deadlift:
155 lb x 5 reps (+54 pts)
155 lb x 5 reps (+54 pts)
155 lb x 5 reps (+54 pts)

Push-Up:
20 reps (+30 pts)

Reverse Cable Curl:
50 lb x 10 reps (+10 pts)
50 lb x 10 reps (+10 pts)
50 lb x 10 reps (+10 pts)

Pull-Up:
5 reps (+40 pts)

Lat Pulldown:
70 lb x 10 reps (+14 pts)
90 lb x 10 reps (+18 pts)
90 lb x 10 reps (+18 pts)

meals today:
banana and pb, almonds
three hard boiled eggs, baby carrots, apple
broiled cod, peas, some rice

20111024

so in an effort to bring back my lost creative spark, i'm again writing a little poetry here and there. this was from my walk with the dog this morning at 5:30. Not sure why I was up an hour before the alarm but it was dark and foggy and somewhat inspirational.

A fine mist encumbers the fog
Encompassing the winnowy dew
Silence of nature's cacophony
Subduing and swirling through
The wind never asks a question
As it knows it's always the answer
And with those services rendered
Moves on and up, a limitless dancer
There lies our simple encouragement
Set forth in a morning's lesson
To change on our own terms
Only there lies true perfection

i am trying to write a song about acceptance. the irony that it's difficult to write is not entirely lost on me.

20111023

finished star of the week poster. wrote star of the week journal entry. took her to see "dolphin tale". went to the park. built a fort in the power cage. took a dog on a walk. gave her a bath. sniffed myself too. let's see, wtf have i eaten today

beef jerky and sour cream
balogna and cheese
apple and pb
two egg muffins

20111022

the people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
they push and shove and won't bend to your will.. i'll keep them still

had a grouper salad at the cajun place. it was good. watched my alma mater do well, then came home and they ended up losing. got kiddo back and we went to a cousin's birthday party. also, i met bitchface's boyfriend. anti-climatic.

ran four miles. ate some stuff. rinse and repeat. until i die.

20111021

this is an example of shitty parenting, recorded for posterity:

my ex calls kiddo earlier this week, tells her she's going to the zoo to a special halloween event. tells her a friend of hers from a few years ago will be there. now in reality, ex is friends with this other girl's mother. anyway, kiddo is super excited all week to see her "old friend" again. today rolls around, ex arrives to pick up kiddo, tells her "it'll just be us tonight, your friend can't come", at which point kiddo starts to sniffle and tear up. so why bother telling her earlier in the week? well, it's because my ex sets herself up to fail over and over again, and apparently wants to instill that shitty quality in her daughter.

now back to assembling the squat cage.

20111020

the squat cage has arrived! holy shit i have to actually put it together!

20111018

she's not a gold digger. she's a soul digger.
also, i'm a bad person. i just realized. i don't deserve much.

breakfast: sweet potato

20111017

skipped breakfast
hot dog, banana and almond butter
almonds
egg muffins

today was a run day. went frontfoot strike on the first mile and now my calves are singing but i made it three. i would have preferred four but im pretty sure my legs would have exploded. i still need to get some vibrams.

20111016-2

lessee

three eggs (hard boiled) and three sausage links
almond butter and dark chocolate
more almond butter
hot dog and mixed veggies
balogna

20111016

verge of tears. good name for a song. it's been me all morning. ate too much this morning, fucked up my foot courtesy of a shovel yesterday, so i can't run. went to church (why i don't know), but it was overall a positive experience. i think i wanted to give thanks for getting back safely from my trip and for my presentation going well. i am by nature an indecisive person. it sucks, and i know i have to work on it. religion is the worst aspect of this. i listen to metal, and most of the time i consider myself agnostic. but sometimes the pendulum swings this way or that. i wish i had the luxury of a conviction of faith, but it has never happened. will it? who knows. eventually i should just decide.

i stare at the moms at church and wonder if i'd be happy with one of them. i stare at the women at the grocery store. i just look onward, do i see a future or am i sitting on the shore of a sea filled with nameless faces?

20111014

so let's see. two nightmares that i can remember, and i slept ate (peanut butter and almonds, at least i don't cheat while i'm sleep eating, as there was a thing of mac & cheese i made for kiddo in there, lol). nightmare 1 involved bitchface being fondled by some guy and i was helpless to stop him. nightmare 2 was a helicopter crashing in the street while i was talking to that same guy on the phone. great way to start my day!

few bites of banana
newk's ultimate salad (fantastic)

did well on my presentation i think. i'm enjoying today, listening to the beatles, waiting impatiently for my workout stuff to arrive. rewarded myself with a fat ass salad, and now i'll begrudgingly return to the nexus of work.

20111013

egg muffin
the other half of a can of chili (+ hot dog)
a bunch of random shit for dinner (but not too much)

i am scatterbrained today. completely scatterbrained.

20111012

no breakfast, two burgers (sans buns) for lunch
beef jerky
half a can of chili, sweet potato

i wanted to run but i got caught fixing someone else's fuckups at work and wasn't able to get out.

somehow i got snookered into giving some 10 minute update on my findings at the Friday morning leadership meeting. and they wonder why i don't want to participate. i'm never going on another business trip as long as i'm there.

went to one of my best friends (from high school) recitals. kiddo spent the evening with my sis. it was enjoyable. mostly enjoyable. the "elegiac trio" by arnold bax was especially pretty.

whelp, i did it. i ordered my squat cage.

Valor Athletics BD-7 Power Rack with Lat Pull

20111011

fuckin date almost looks like binary code.

one egg muffin
leftover bison stew with chicken
almond butter
spicy chicken, three sausage links, tomatoes and lettuce

deadlift: 135x5, 155x5, 155x5, 155x5
bench: 135x10, 145x10, 155x10 (i can go much higher i think, but not without a spotter)
pushup: 2x10
dumbbell tricep extension: 40x10, 40x10, 40x10
dumbbell seated isolation curl: 40x10, 40x10, 40x10
bicycles: lost count when my stomach started cramping, heh

20111010-2

two egg muffins
grilled chicken salad with bleu cheese
banana and almond butter
two bigass beef hotdogs (hebrew national) and saurkruat

i'm going to lift tonight. should be thrilling!

20111010

"mommy never plays with me. it's like i'm invisible."

20111009

emptied out the wheelbarrow this morning and cleaned out the gutters on the side of the house i'd missed a few weeks ago. took out the trash, fed the dog, and did some bench presses on my new setup. 135 lb feels much different with the olympic weights, perhaps because they're much farther out (perhaps because i wasn't lifting 135 lb on the janky weights from the 80s, heh). time to go grocery shopping with all the other pagans.

day 30(!):
eggs and sausage links
almond butter and dark chocolate
spicy bison stew (yeah! my own recipe)

good run, good lifts, good vent, good nfl games, good books, good grief, good night.

20111008

day 29 (run day):
leftover hamburger, beef jerky
amberjack and sweet potato fries, humdingers shrimp at humdingers
hot dog and saurkraut

bought a 300 lb olympic weight set today at dick's sporting goods. also did six miles. on foot.
felt good for once.

20111007

day 28 (rest day):
blt lettuce wraps
beef jerky and sour cream
chicken cobb salad at the zoo (terrible)
hamburgers (no bun) and sweet potato

started the morning with "click click click" from my car. dead battery. mom took me to autozone.

went to the zoo with kiddo, mom, my sister, and my nephew. it was actually pretty fun.

looked into refinancing my home today. jesus. i'm tired. dont know why. didn't work out today.

20111006

finally, i get to fly out of this place. had a great workout early this morning (see fitocracy), and came back to the room for a quick bite. the plan is to head to the conference then grab some lunch and check out. and make my way back to the rental car place and G T F O. can't wait to see my girl!!!

day 27:
banana and pb
turkey and pesto wraps (minus the wraps, heh.. it was kinda gross)
cashew chicken salad at gordon biersch (so good!)

.. aaaand i missed my connecting flight. us airways kinda sucks. both my departure flight and my arrival flights were delayed because of nonsense. oh well, at least i'm in the only airport on this trip which allows free internet (that's 1/3 for anyone counting). so at the very least i can surf and irc, which, let's face it, fulfills pretty much all my basic needs.

20111005

day 26 (run day):
egg white spinach frittata and hard boiled egg
lots of fish (with capers! :) and two chicken breasts, ratatouille
apple with pb
murgh tikka masala

the goal today is to get a souvenir for kiddo. so i'm going to the museum. i may just go into the gift shop, who knows. ;) then i'm going to try tir na nOg, an irish establishment, for dinner. should be thrilling stuff!

nope. walked past the irish place and it was a bit of a shithole, so i decided on indian. the closest one was 10 blocks away, so i went down the elevator and decided at the last possible second to walk instead of drive. i'm glad i did. the food was really good.. i'm still getting used to eating by myself again. it's always so damned awkward. i had a selection of chutneys and the mango one was especially good. i tried to hold off on the rice as much as possible.

the walk back was without incident, and i'm now watching espn in my room. how boring am i?

i was not 100% on the treadmill today.. my heart rate failed to climb like normal and i felt kinda crappy. i'm going to push it tomorrow morning. i'm not out of this place until 4pm so i need to do something or i'll go nuts.

20111004

ran a 5k and lifted some heavy stuff.

day 24:
turkey berry salad
apple and pb
la paella at oxford gastropub (2/5)
banana and pb (fuck, calories)

read more of "the art of racing in the rain". dude is an asshole, and is deliberately trying to make me cry! there are so many parallels in the story for me. a man and his dog who has to fight for his daughter after losing his wife. it's me. i'm not sure why i chose to buy it on amazon other than happenstance, but clearly it was serendipitous. would it hold as much emotion for other readers? not sure. for me, it just provided crystal clarity on my condition as a single parent, with all the inherent responsibility. and again it made me hate my ex and her family, with their selfishness, rationalizations and ability to ignore reality. here i am, out of town, and it kills me not to be with my daughter. i can't imagine the life my ex lives, separated from her own child for weeks at a time. seriously, what a cunt. although i laughed earlier when i was switching channels and passed "glee" and wondered if somewhere in shitsville, tennessee, if that guy was being forced to watch that show. poor bastard.

20111003-2

fuck, i'm crying reading The Art of Racing in the Rain. it's a novel told from the perspective of a dog. such a woman. who fucking cries while watching monday night football. oh right, me. fuck it, i'm watching house.

20111003

so here i am, out of town, and out of my element. and here is my list of priorities:

1) workout
2) food
3) sex (lol)
4) actually attending the conference

day 23 (run day):
skipped breakfast
chicken kabob at sitti (it was .. okay i guess)
banana in the parking lot of harris teeter ;)
cobb salad at carolina cafe (it was phenomenal)
apple with pb

20111002-2

day 22:
two egg muffins
beef jerky at airport
hardee's bacon monster burger and side salad

20111002

tomorrow i fly out on a business trip. on a very important day. and i am missing my daughter already. and i haven't even left yet. fuck. how can she possibly do this every day? oh right, she doesn't care.

i have started to think of items in my home in terms of BC and AD. Before Cheating, and After Divorce. Even a thing of handsoap is counted. I guess the goal is to rid myself of most of the BC items so I can move forward.

20111001

made her some homemade blueberry pancakes this morning. party day. ex actually texted me to ask "if the party was still on". translation: she doesn't want to come. course, i'm probably misinterpreting her. right.

day 21:
two eggs and bacon
hot dog
two eggs