We made love all night. Literally all night. When you make someone come over twenty times, what more can you say?
We also watched Jerry McGuire and LHotP, but mainly lots of lovin’. And more lovin’. And more. And more. Until the sun was up.
20181110
20181016
20181016
status update!
- kid's birthday was good, immediate family showed, did it at logan's per her request, i ate the rest of the costco chocolate cake over the next few days. emphasis on few.
- family reunion was also good. wife could not be there because we mixed up the dates and she had to work. brought my daughters. my stepdaughter wants to start calling me dad. this is incredible.
- my wife's job is not going too well, they hired a new boss and he sucks.
- took my wife and girls to a high school football game and it was like the high school date i never had. with takis.
- i love my family and am excited for my future for the first time in a long time.
- kid's birthday was good, immediate family showed, did it at logan's per her request, i ate the rest of the costco chocolate cake over the next few days. emphasis on few.
- family reunion was also good. wife could not be there because we mixed up the dates and she had to work. brought my daughters. my stepdaughter wants to start calling me dad. this is incredible.
- my wife's job is not going too well, they hired a new boss and he sucks.
- took my wife and girls to a high school football game and it was like the high school date i never had. with takis.
- i love my family and am excited for my future for the first time in a long time.
20180902
20180902
always loved this one. The kind of song I strive to write.
If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry,
You come and pour yourself on me.
If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away
If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry,
You come and pour yourself on me.
If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away
20180824
20180824
the most in love, the happiest, the most wonderful, the most amazing moments in my life. thank you god. thank you for answered prayers.
Die Antwort auf mein Gebete.
20180821
20180821
No one sleeps! No one sleeps!
Even you, oh princess, in your cold room,
look at the stars that tremble with love
and hope!
But my mystery; it is locked in me.
And my name,no one will know!
No, no! On your mouth
I will say it, when the light will shine!
And my kiss will break the silence,
that makes you mine!
His name no one will know...
And we shall have, alas, to die, to die...!
Disperse, o night!
Vanish, oh stars!
Vanish, oh stars!
At daybreak, I will win!
I will win!
I will win!
Even you, oh princess, in your cold room,
look at the stars that tremble with love
and hope!
But my mystery; it is locked in me.
And my name,no one will know!
No, no! On your mouth
I will say it, when the light will shine!
And my kiss will break the silence,
that makes you mine!
His name no one will know...
And we shall have, alas, to die, to die...!
Disperse, o night!
Vanish, oh stars!
Vanish, oh stars!
At daybreak, I will win!
I will win!
I will win!
20180713
20180712
so we got our marriage license yesterday. i'm beyond excited for this new journey with my best friend.
so many things have happened that i feel like i need an entire day to write them all down. she has jogged my memories, and many of those PTSD-locked memories have come back to me, for better or worse.
my long term memory is on the way back as well.
also, turns out i'm a sex god. who knew?
we make each other feel like a million bucks. she is incredibly giving, in so many ways, that i feel like i've won the lottery. she is truly the one that got away... until now. :)
but anyway, without further adieu:
ajax diner. square books. did she say yes. chicken on a stick. waiting. the ranch. stargazer lilies. genghis grill. purple orchids and chef coats. iphone screens. j.lohr cabernet. iconic. chicken wings and bc powder. goodwill and kroger shopping cart rides. tommy boy. crab legs. all you can eat crab legs. catholic mass. arkabutler scenic route. better off dead (i want my $2). girl nights and face masks. ballerina tea. the hickory ridge mall. austin powers. durchfall. ukuleles and nails. einbildung and psychosomatic. he chose... poorly. brock vs ink. immune booster. my fellow americans. the pancake shop. mississippi corn. sex god and sex goddess. space cowboys. wildebeest hangman. rotisserie chicken. frasier. balls and boobies ultrasounds. zombie washing machine. the bucket list. 1 corinthians 13. west clinic selfies. cracklin oatbran. grown ups. ice cream cones. 5'10" and chocolate chunk. jagerschnitzel. cinnamon fire. crippled inside. banana bread and kerry gold. master jewelers rings on 7/7. the y. hickeys at the y. hickey firsts. weird science. fruity pebbles. vince at lafayettes. ms pacman laundromat. marriage license! verlobter. stand by me. birthday cards and maracas. reddi whip. proposing to my best friend. she said yes!
so many things have happened that i feel like i need an entire day to write them all down. she has jogged my memories, and many of those PTSD-locked memories have come back to me, for better or worse.
my long term memory is on the way back as well.
also, turns out i'm a sex god. who knew?
we make each other feel like a million bucks. she is incredibly giving, in so many ways, that i feel like i've won the lottery. she is truly the one that got away... until now. :)
but anyway, without further adieu:
ajax diner. square books. did she say yes. chicken on a stick. waiting. the ranch. stargazer lilies. genghis grill. purple orchids and chef coats. iphone screens. j.lohr cabernet. iconic. chicken wings and bc powder. goodwill and kroger shopping cart rides. tommy boy. crab legs. all you can eat crab legs. catholic mass. arkabutler scenic route. better off dead (i want my $2). girl nights and face masks. ballerina tea. the hickory ridge mall. austin powers. durchfall. ukuleles and nails. einbildung and psychosomatic. he chose... poorly. brock vs ink. immune booster. my fellow americans. the pancake shop. mississippi corn. sex god and sex goddess. space cowboys. wildebeest hangman. rotisserie chicken. frasier. balls and boobies ultrasounds. zombie washing machine. the bucket list. 1 corinthians 13. west clinic selfies. cracklin oatbran. grown ups. ice cream cones. 5'10" and chocolate chunk. jagerschnitzel. cinnamon fire. crippled inside. banana bread and kerry gold. master jewelers rings on 7/7. the y. hickeys at the y. hickey firsts. weird science. fruity pebbles. vince at lafayettes. ms pacman laundromat. marriage license! verlobter. stand by me. birthday cards and maracas. reddi whip. proposing to my best friend. she said yes!
20180703
20180703
2018, where even the lows are pretty damn high. Asked her to marry me. She said yes. She wants simple. I love her. We do have issues but they’re not warning signs: they’re me throwing off the vestiges of old p. The p of fear is no me.
This makes me want to document some of my 2018 a little better. When it’s going great, I have a tendency to not write. I will work on that.
This makes me want to document some of my 2018 a little better. When it’s going great, I have a tendency to not write. I will work on that.
20180607
20180607
everything is going according to plan.
except for the blurry vision and groin tightness. tomorrow will tell.
current mood. seu jorge covering bowie.
except for the blurry vision and groin tightness. tomorrow will tell.
current mood. seu jorge covering bowie.
20180602
20180601
Kiddo had her first kiss today. That’s kinda awesome, she was so happy. And she told me on the way home from Italian fest. Good times.
20180516
20180516
86 honeydew. Comic book shopping. LEGO builds. Highway stargazing. Anson lights. Traditional German breakfast. Au jus. Brookside blueberry/açaí. Greys Anatomy. Bitch drill. Dr Pepper slurpees. Hollandaise on thick muffins. Double earrings and checkered vans. Closet knee pads. 26 minutes late. I want my data back. View, TX. Teeter totter happiness. Matching railroad photos. Takis party bags. 5am IHOP. Pygmy goats. Teepee time. Flossing at red lobster. Little house of the three amigos. Yum yum sauce. Blind mockingbird. Rolling R’s. Skull head. Green balls at Play Faire. Starbucks and rainstorms. Stay to the right. Tickle laugh. Lavender bath. The happiest man to ever step foot in Abilene.
20180429
20180429
Tears in the clouds are usually rain
But not these tears in these clouds on this day
For second by second, mile by mile
He’s taken further and further away from her smile
His poem a puddle, his screen turned a mess
And nothing to stem it, no one to caress
Sweet nothings have bloomed, he now feels the thorns
The pain of love’s longing, of two hearts being torn
Apart from each other, each moment an age
Wrapped up in the truths of each promise they’d made
- flight 2 -
Yet the tone of this poem, of one left behind
Doesn’t quite match the author’s designs
See the time he had spent, considering love
Only served to remind of him of the one up above
So as far as he flew, as high as he’d get
The Lord looks o’er them both, flying higher yet
Their connection He’d forged long before time
And time cannot threaten what the lord has designed.
But not these tears in these clouds on this day
For second by second, mile by mile
He’s taken further and further away from her smile
His poem a puddle, his screen turned a mess
And nothing to stem it, no one to caress
Sweet nothings have bloomed, he now feels the thorns
The pain of love’s longing, of two hearts being torn
Apart from each other, each moment an age
Wrapped up in the truths of each promise they’d made
- flight 2 -
Yet the tone of this poem, of one left behind
Doesn’t quite match the author’s designs
See the time he had spent, considering love
Only served to remind of him of the one up above
So as far as he flew, as high as he’d get
The Lord looks o’er them both, flying higher yet
Their connection He’d forged long before time
And time cannot threaten what the lord has designed.
20180426
20180426
In an airplane aloft, in seats ever cramped
He ventures along, this brand new man
Horizons of blues and clouds of cream
Brings ever closer the girl of his dreams
They’ve fought through so much, for year after year
Each other they’ve won, a reward sincere
He peers out and on, skies dancing in place
But nothing compares to the lines of her face
They’d waited so long, their patience held true
Forever on “us” would mean me and you.
He ventures along, this brand new man
Horizons of blues and clouds of cream
Brings ever closer the girl of his dreams
They’ve fought through so much, for year after year
Each other they’ve won, a reward sincere
He peers out and on, skies dancing in place
But nothing compares to the lines of her face
They’d waited so long, their patience held true
Forever on “us” would mean me and you.
20180412
20180403
20180228
20180228
cornell singing a song derived from a johnny cash poem. two lost, giant, kindred spirits. i am invisible, but i've soaked up these lost voices so many times that i'm inured to it. i can't name a single living artist that moves me like these tragic souls can. so why am i still here?
20180226
20180226
Even in his later years, even when he could no longer go, Flynn would whine every single time I came back from a run, because I used to take him on long walks to cooldown post-run. I would get irritated at him for making noise, when all he was trying to do was spend time with me.
And now, I return to silence.
I guess for posterity sake, I also wanted to post this drawing I made on a whiteboard at work, a whiteboard no longer even in my office, that I drew almost 15 years ago. It’s flynn of course, and my coworkers elected to leave his memory in place, even after I’d moved offices.
And now, I return to silence.
I guess for posterity sake, I also wanted to post this drawing I made on a whiteboard at work, a whiteboard no longer even in my office, that I drew almost 15 years ago. It’s flynn of course, and my coworkers elected to leave his memory in place, even after I’d moved offices.
20180213
20180213
lost my dog of over 18 years yesterday. i was there when he breathed his final breath. i gave him a kiss, but had no words of wisdom to impart. we've already said everything that could be said to each other.
“Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives. Yet, if they find warmth therein, who would grudge them those years that they have so guarded? Nothing else of us can they take to lie upon with outstretched paws and chin pressed to the ground; and, whatever they take, be sure they have deserved.”― John Galsworthy
“Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives. Yet, if they find warmth therein, who would grudge them those years that they have so guarded? Nothing else of us can they take to lie upon with outstretched paws and chin pressed to the ground; and, whatever they take, be sure they have deserved.”― John Galsworthy
20180207
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