20101221-2

If you're ever changing
You're never satisfied
If you're never satisfied
You're never comfortable
If you're never comfortable
You're never happy

20101221

Closure begins today
Meetings and paperwork
Sign away your commitment
Surrender your faith
Today she is sure of herself
She always was
And as usual
I am simply along for the ride
Years from now
Will her eyes open
Her freedom is short sighted
And ill gotten
Can't bear her suffering
Letting her go is so hard
But as usual
I am simply along for the ride

20101221-diary

let's see. this morning. woke up. m woke up coughing and spitting into the toilet. she had a nosebleed last night while a went to trivia.

she felt better after some cantaloupe. we watched phineas and ferb. i did some of the divorce paperwork.

we went to get me a haircut, and then we stopped by the grocery store on the way back and picked up a few things, and some cake mix to make cupcakes (gingerbread and strawberry icing? yeah.)

when we got back, she watched berenstain bears, and then we cleaned her room finally.

i moved some clothes into a's old closet in the bedroom, and we watched indy and the last crusade.

i am numb. i think we're going to mass at 5pm on friday (xmas eve).

a texted me to ask if i want to go to dinner with her at d's afterwards.

negative, ghostrider.

20101220-2

The stars dance tonight
Movements well rehearsed
Today I was born into this
Today I made my start
I beg for kindness
I beg for strength
It is a day of beginnings
A morning made for change
Somewhere past the fog
Of sadness and doubt
A hand reaches for yours
You should take it
And move on

20101220

Candles burn at both ends
Wishes have come true
Backwards and uphill
Fate coughs up the parole
Requested by passing feelings
Relief is now a false hope
Doctored sins of the maiden
Bequeath a final gift to you
Clarity of the human condition
And the innate destitution
Better to let it rot
Or let it go
Either way
Whatever

20101219

Welcome to the Mausoleum
Watch your step, sweetie
Having trouble walking about
The wings were a gift you see
They soon settled into marble
Burdensome and unyielding
Weights gilded to my frame
From others good intentions
Stumbling through the rubble
All part of the attraction
A childhood home of ashes and tears
Wish I could deliver you
From this dust and rejection
All in due time
From this cold empty space
All in due time

20101218-2

The saints are chipped and cracked
Surveying the scene with lidless eyes
Rosaries and memories half remembered
Forced back to the starting line
In the palm of the carver
A deathbed scene played out in advance
Devotions abandoned for aspirations
Exasperated and exacerbated
Gasp for a final breath
Just to prove you're still alive

20101218

Today she abandons us
Yet another greener pasture
Such a destructive cycle
Never seeing the big picture
We spend the weekend away
Father and daughter
At my true home
Where even nightmares comfort
Soon we return to broken
Bitter and meaningless
Starting over together
Father and daughter
Happy signed a lease elsewhere
I'll have to settle for distracted
Rejection resurrection
Goodbye, my love
Sincerely
Father and daughter

20101217-2

One day only
My life the clearance sale
Off she goes
She knows what she's doing
But what she's doing
Is undoing
A knot we tied together
Tangled though it was
It was ours
Good luck untying it

20101217

Got you some flowers today
Don't make a fuss though
Didn't take too much effort
Wish I could see your face
When you finally notice
If you knew what I'd done
To get them, you'd be crushed
Or maybe only I'd be
Happenstance brought them
You see, my love
This wasn't my plot after all
Course I only see the roots
But I hope you like them.