my child just went right the heck off tonight. crying, sadness, etc.
she tells me she hardly knows her mom. i don't know if therapy would make it better or worse.
i sure don't know what to tell her, but i tried my best to set things at ease. perhaps it will pass with the summer breeze.
20140514
20140505
20140505
i've rediscovered bjork. post is just a fantastic album from start to finish.
another chance at newk's, another fail. JUMP IN. mayhap one day.
this is worth a watch. might better your life.
another chance at newk's, another fail. JUMP IN. mayhap one day.
this is worth a watch. might better your life.
20140503
20140503
April ended and May began. The fifth month. For two weeks I've had two separate crews of laborers working on gutting and remodeling my bathroom. They finally left last night, but I am not at all satisfied with the plumbing work. On their initial attempts, the shower was leaking behind the tile and required multiple soldering nonsense to try and fix the situation, to the point that I'm now scared to even turn it on, lest it start leaking. The p-trap in the sink is leaking as well. My contractor, who also happens to be my sister's husband, may or may not come over today to assist me in building out the shower door, at which point I'll run the shower and test the solder joints, but my confidence level is very low. I must say though, the tile guys were awesome, and the bathroom looks aesthetically pleasing, if only it were usable.
I didn't really save any money either. I guess I've learned my lesson insomuch as doing business with family. I love the guy but the people he hires are questionable, and the financial situation behind the entire enterprise seems a trifle shady.
Blogging really didn't occur to me at all during this process, as I've been almost at post-divorce levels of stress and worry throughout. I had nightmares all night and woke up to let the dog out and that was it. No going back to bed. So i started cleaning up the assorted nails and chips of tile from my carport and backyard in preparation for pulling my car back underneath, clearing away boxes and such from my bedroom, and sweeping the tile. What made me sit down here at 8AM to blog was the fact that I stepped on the scale, fully expecting to have gained weight, and there it was. I hit my goal. Momentous doesn't cover this moment. I moved the scale around to different areas to make sure it wasn't fucking with me, but all readings pointed to the same conclusion. I walked down the hallway, grabbed my dog along the way, sat on the couch with him in my arms and cried, my first one in a while.
And now here I sit, recapping only a small portion of the craziness of a family bathroom remodel and a subsequent stress induced weight loss goal monument.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
I didn't really save any money either. I guess I've learned my lesson insomuch as doing business with family. I love the guy but the people he hires are questionable, and the financial situation behind the entire enterprise seems a trifle shady.
Blogging really didn't occur to me at all during this process, as I've been almost at post-divorce levels of stress and worry throughout. I had nightmares all night and woke up to let the dog out and that was it. No going back to bed. So i started cleaning up the assorted nails and chips of tile from my carport and backyard in preparation for pulling my car back underneath, clearing away boxes and such from my bedroom, and sweeping the tile. What made me sit down here at 8AM to blog was the fact that I stepped on the scale, fully expecting to have gained weight, and there it was. I hit my goal. Momentous doesn't cover this moment. I moved the scale around to different areas to make sure it wasn't fucking with me, but all readings pointed to the same conclusion. I walked down the hallway, grabbed my dog along the way, sat on the couch with him in my arms and cried, my first one in a while.
And now here I sit, recapping only a small portion of the craziness of a family bathroom remodel and a subsequent stress induced weight loss goal monument.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
20140416
20140412
20140412
did i really eat an entire package of semi-sweet chocolates in less than three days?
yes, yes i did. :/
yes, yes i did. :/
20140408
20140408
In bed again, waiting for sleep to hit.
Yesterday..
lunch: steak ranchero
dinner: chicken and salad
dessert: hazelnut spread
Did some lifting, sore as hell now
Today..
lunch: chicken, rice, house salad
dinner: favorite salad
No exercise, but played with kidlet
Rediscovered a song I thought I'd lost
BF2 at night
20140406
20140406
Racking my brain for what I've eaten this weekend, as it seems like I got a little off the rails with my diet. Lessee,
Saturday:
lunch: chicken and sour cream
snack: protein pudding
dinner: chicken and cabbage
snack: gluten free chocolate bar
Sunday:
lunch: chicken and spinach salad
snack: homemade chicken fajita mix
snack: protein pudding
dinner: chicken and sour cream
dessert: razzleberry pie
I did run 5k on Saturday and two miles today, but I feel like I'm running in place as far as the diet.
Today was a good day otherwise. Got kiddo back and we went down to OB. Dad fixed my chainsaw, I got to run and see my folks, and kiddo had fun, convincing me to purchase supplies at michaels for a foam 8-bit mario piranha plant craft project. We didn't quite finish it but she was as happy as a clam, and so was I. Practiced a little piano tonight as well. No time for objective-c self teaching.
I still have one-itis with the stupid runner girl; I swear I'm not a stalker, I'm just a creep.
I'm in bed typing all this on my phone. Falling asleep before 11 would be amazing. Don't see it happening.
20140322
201430321
Lunch: half chicken, rice, salad, pebble
Chipped tooth.
Dinner: egg muffins, almond butter
Ran 4 mi
Snack: sweet potato, candy
Nightmares. I miss my friends. I'm lonely for friends, for a "crew". I've alienated myself and been alienated both. I'm not awake atm, just tapping phone keyboard buttons through blurred, teary eyes
These friends, I don't even have their numbers. I need them.
20140319
20140319
Lunch: chicken/cottage cheese
Snack: sausage
Dinner: kale chips/protein shake
Had a good day, ran, etc. then I dropped my phone into the toilet. Thanks life
20140315
20140314
pi day was yesterday.
kiddo and i are back after a weird ass week apart. putt putt this morning. it was ok.
trimmed the crape myrtle in front of my house this afternoon. she helped clean up the detritus. at one point she said "daddy i'm getting scrapes" to which i replied "that's life. if you don't get some scrapes what did you do?" i immediately thought i should write that down as it sounded poignant at the time. i think it still does.
at some point i asked my kid what the tree was called and she didn't know. so the genius that i am, i gave her a hint: "starts with c, ends with rape myrtle".... real fucking smart there.
kiddo and i are back after a weird ass week apart. putt putt this morning. it was ok.
trimmed the crape myrtle in front of my house this afternoon. she helped clean up the detritus. at one point she said "daddy i'm getting scrapes" to which i replied "that's life. if you don't get some scrapes what did you do?" i immediately thought i should write that down as it sounded poignant at the time. i think it still does.
at some point i asked my kid what the tree was called and she didn't know. so the genius that i am, i gave her a hint: "starts with c, ends with rape myrtle".... real fucking smart there.
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