20140801

Woken up by text from mom at 6am

Dog peed on rug

Walked through spider web

No breakfast or lunch

Saw kiddo's performance 

Went back to work

Then ate all night long, although we finished her desk

Later: chicken, cc, banana

Dinner: salmon croquettes, fried green tomatoes, purple hull peas

Dessert: chocolate and pb

Later: more food

20140730

how can july possibly be over? wtf.

lunch: pork chops, cabbage, purple hull peas
dinner: cobb salad
omfg: chocolate and peanut butter
midnight snack: chicken, kale shit and cottage cheese

20140730

lunch: don pollo
dinner?: protein shake with banana
(nap)
(start laundry)
(run)
(walk dog)
(start dryer)
(shower)

now i'm building my kid a desk. and listening to a newish peste noire album. tried to drink a beer but i can actually taste the sugar in there, and couldn't continue.

20140729

lunch: half chicken, rice, house salad
dinner: chicken, tots, cc
(lifted)
(brother came over, helped with tech stuff)
later: tuna, bacon, pickle

10pm, off to kroger, i guess. i have a desk to put together but i'm just not feeling it.

Back from Kroger, 11pm, helped an old lady outside get a watermelon into her cart, and I could tell the poor old soul was crying for social contact, and I failed her.  I cried through the entire store with the guilt of failing to interact with the old lady, and here I sit with stickman playing in my car in my carport with the car running at 11pm with tears streaming and nothing but sadness and depression.

Time to empty the groceries and end another turn of the wheel of ka.

i think one of the reasons i run is that i want to die, but i'm too much of a coward to handle the job myself. if i were to die running, that would essentially be out of my control.

in a very real sense, my body is the enemy, and it would be a glorious death in combat. the 21st century, first world edition.

assisted suicide by cardio, how gauche.

20140728

I always cut up the dog's wet food in the morning because he has no teeth.  This morning I cut it up and, without thinking, immediately dumped it into the kitchen sink.  The day followed suit.

lunch: cobb salad, way too much food
pre-run/post-nap: protein shake
later: chicken, cottage cheese, pepperoni, a little leftover sweet potato

ran. talked. fuck.

neighbors swarm when i'm destitute, it's like moths to the flame.

The ghost of your smile's always looking for new bodies to haunt.

20140726

Lunch/preworkout: two hard-boiled eggs

Dinner: Asian chicken, tots, broccoli, cauliflower 

20140725

Lunch: half chicken, rice, salad

(Swam with kiddo)

Dinner: mo chicken, Brussels sprouts, tots

Later: protein bar

20140724

everybody knows, which way you go, straight to over.
no one wants to see, you inside of me, straight to over.
i heard the hammer at the lock, saying deaf and dumb and done.
give yourself another talk, this time it make it sound like someone.

the noise is coming out, and if it's not out now, then tomorrow.. tomorrow....

---

up from a nap, feeling destructive, disconnect.

lunch: bbq chicken, greens, twice baked

---

i got static in my head, the reflected sound of everything.
tried to go to where it led, but it didn't lead to anything.

the noise is coming out, and if it's not out now,
i know it's just about, to drown to tomorrow out.

20140723

lunch: pork chops, cabbage, roll
dinner: more pork chops because my mom made pork chops, green beans, sweet potato
later: chocolate, peanut butter
nap: nap
even later: hard boiled egg, pickle.. god i'm weird.

estimated carbs: fuck i dunno

no workout. i just realized i overdid it on calories and carbs. maybe i can sleep well enough to work out tomorrow.

20140721

i may or may not feel like writing about my kid drama at some point, but not right now.

lunch: chicken, cottage cheese, protein shake
run...
dinner: i feel like it was more chicken?
later: chocolate

bought some veggies and other assorted things.

switching to grilled chicken.