20150217

fuck the food diary. i'm up at 3:45 AM with a very deep heel itch on my left side that strikes every few minutes. looked this shit up and it's either diabetes or renal failure. guessing my sugar is out of whack. this is like someone itching the back of my heel from the inside and it is downright painful. all i want to do is go back to sleep.

20150216

lifted hard yesterday. snowed in with kiddo, both of us have mono.

gonna try and coffee up and fight through all of this and lift some more today... and hope that school is out tomorrow too.

lunch: two leftover fried chicken wings, cottage cheese, a few bites of chicken alfredo

20150209

rejected by thumper.

kiddo had a play date.

i just want a date. i want to start. it's time to start. wtf am i waiting for anyway. i'm not going to have some god body at this point, i'm almost 40, and who even gives a shit, i am me, that should be enough for the right person

20150126

The idiot found a man.  Another one down.  I'm happy for her.

Crushing sadness.  Defeated.  Sleep.

20150124

things considered while running:
replace garmin
replace water bottle
update dating profile
kill myself
reconnect with lost friend
do something social this weekend
remember neighbors' names

things not accomplished after running:
replace garmin
replace water bottle
update dating profile
kill myself
reconnect with lost friend
do something social this weekend
remember neighbors' names

20150123

Is post-divorce agoraphobia a thing?  I was always a bit of a homebody I guess, but now it's gotten severe.  I have neglected even my online friends, quitting irc and ignoring guildies (yeah, wow is back).  Can I force myself to do something out of character this weekend?  Should I bother?  I mean I'm like five years out and my "recovery" has essentially left me in a coma.

How many online whiners are wasting their time right alongside me tonight I wonder.  I hope at least a few of them find solace.

My coworker has used "obviate" three times snide I said it earlier this week.

20141212

the song of the day, after a week of ups and downs

20141209

i understand what i am still too proud to mention .. to you.

20141204

Back up the scale, feeling like fail

20121203

still here! amazing, i know.

every time i take my kid to chik fil'a, i take a fry for myself. in this way, she learns about taxation and also i receive a fry.