Even in his later years, even when he could no longer go, Flynn would whine every single time I came back from a run, because I used to take him on long walks to cooldown post-run. I would get irritated at him for making noise, when all he was trying to do was spend time with me.
And now, I return to silence.
I guess for posterity sake, I also wanted to post this drawing I made on a whiteboard at work, a whiteboard no longer even in my office, that I drew almost 15 years ago. It’s flynn of course, and my coworkers elected to leave his memory in place, even after I’d moved offices.
lost my dog of over 18 years yesterday. i was there when he breathed his final breath. i gave him a kiss, but had no words of wisdom to impart. we've already said everything that could be said to each other.
“Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives. Yet, if they find warmth therein, who would grudge them those years that they have so guarded? Nothing else of us can they take to lie upon with outstretched paws and chin pressed to the ground; and, whatever they take, be sure they have deserved.”― John Galsworthy
finally occurred to me i was just a bad influence. maybe i'm everyone's bad influence. maybe i was put here to teach everyone a lesson. and that lesson is to move on.. from me. apparently.
there's no difference between my nightmares and reality now. i wake up alone, dream alone, live alone. and that is my fate.
for a day, my world was full of everyone's favorite soundgarden songs. i didn't share mine at the time. death is a terrible, personal journey, and while some people like to share to cope, it's all smoke and mirrors to hide the fear of the reality of isolation inherent in separating from the warm hug of humanity.
i first listened to soundgarden on the radio on an hour long rock show before badmotorfinger broke, and i remember going into 8th grade trying to convince people that this shrill, high octaved vocalist was the best voice i'd ever heard. he sang like i sang, but it actually sounded good.
it was one of the few bands where i really, truly, honest to god, felt like i loved before they'd reached fame and fortune. and it always made soundgarden special.
for my part, my favorite soundgarden song ended up being "boot camp", the final track off "down on the upside".
he penned many meaningful lyrics over the course of his life, but "there must be something else, there must be something good, far away, far away from here" is untouched.
