20170519

for a day, my world was full of everyone's favorite soundgarden songs. i didn't share mine at the time. death is a terrible, personal journey, and while some people like to share to cope, it's all smoke and mirrors to hide the fear of the reality of isolation inherent in separating from the warm hug of humanity.

i first listened to soundgarden on the radio on an hour long rock show before badmotorfinger broke, and i remember going into 8th grade trying to convince people that this shrill, high octaved vocalist was the best voice i'd ever heard. he sang like i sang, but it actually sounded good.

it was one of the few bands where i really, truly, honest to god, felt like i loved before they'd reached fame and fortune. and it always made soundgarden special.

for my part, my favorite soundgarden song ended up being "boot camp", the final track off "down on the upside".



he penned many meaningful lyrics over the course of his life, but "there must be something else, there must be something good, far away, far away from here" is untouched.

20170518

no, chris, it turns out, you didn't.



i have no one to share the end of the world with.

20170515

20170503

sucker punch.

20170419

Just awoke from a dream where I'm cycling down the street to the sound of fiona apple's "never is a promise" with a trailer attached and two children riding in the back. M, and a little boy I'll never get to know. Maybe one of the most deeply profound and sad dreams I've ever had.

20170214

mv 2016alone.jpg 2017alone.jpg

20170117

Or maybe animals will to the trick :/

20170116

Can't sleep,chest murmurings, gonna throw dark side of the moon on and try to ride out all the storms.

Run rabbit run.

20170102

back on the buckley teet.



eternal life is now on my trail. got my red glitter coffin and just need one last nail.

20161231

1992 was a great year. this is one of my favorite songs from that year, and also, one of my favorites, well, ever.

the pre-chorus arpeggiated singdown still gives me chills every time.



also the a cappella breakdown. almost brought me to tears. i love music that can pull emotion out of me. maybe i'm gay. i certainly have a woman's taste in music. in some ways, at least.

2016? maybe not a great year. is age just a number? who can say.

i still look good, at least my face. but i'm a museum piece. untouched and untouchable.

will someone dust me off and take me off display this year?