20200121
20200113
20200110
20200110
20200110
ebb the flow of secrets and secretions into a tide of thoughts true[FALSE]
mood swinging on the porch like a bygone era, an air of mystery and wonder[CONTEMPT]
hemispheres afront to a new god, one who will supplant with graciousness[LOATHING]
such is the reality of the author, baptised in the word[METAPHOR]
if ever anyone should wander along, show them the manuscript of faith[FEAR]
only with newfound knowledge can one assert their own self-worth[LESSNESS]
and only now, half done, can one start to hear the whispers[whispers]
such is the eternal journey of human discovery[]
ebb the flow of secrets and secretions into a tide of thoughts true[FALSE]
mood swinging on the porch like a bygone era, an air of mystery and wonder[CONTEMPT]
hemispheres afront to a new god, one who will supplant with graciousness[LOATHING]
such is the reality of the author, baptised in the word[METAPHOR]
if ever anyone should wander along, show them the manuscript of faith[FEAR]
only with newfound knowledge can one assert their own self-worth[LESSNESS]
and only now, half done, can one start to hear the whispers[whispers]
such is the eternal journey of human discovery[]
20200108
20200108
Eternal life is now on my trail
Got my red glitter coffin, man, just need one last nail
While all these ugly gentlemen play out their foolish games
There's a flaming red horizon that screams our names
his note at 2:36 still brings me to tears.
and of course, the iconic finale note at 4:26.
There's no time for hatred, only questions
What is love, where is happiness, what is life, where is peace?
When will I find the strength to bring me release?
simply the best.
20200106
20200106
“When I die / Give what’s left of me away
To children / And old men that wait to die.
And if you need to cry, / Cry for your brother / Walking the street beside you
And when you need me, / Put your arms / Around anyone
And give to them / What you need to give to me.
I want to leave you something,
Something better
Than words
Or sounds.
Look for me / In the people I’ve known
Or loved, / And if you cannot give me away,
At least let me live in your eyes
And not on your mind.
You can love me most / By letting / Hands touch hands
By letting / Bodies touch bodies
And by letting go / Of children / That need to be free.
Love doesn’t die, / People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love, / Give me away”
20191212
20191212
20191212
if you find yourself alone, riding in green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled - for you are in Azeroth!
if you find yourself alone, riding in green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled - for you are in Azeroth!
20191205
20191205
20191205
perusing around and about the pursuit
to catch the scent of a scent
of days and smiles atop new ground
the heaven of elder youth spent
an empty prison yearns for a face
but none ever read that fool's drivel
an empty person seeks an inmate
with all on parole, oh how civil
for crimes still yet to conceive or commit
evil or good whims dreamed and undreamt
consume or yet be consumed
all for a hint of perfume
perusing around and about the pursuit
to catch the scent of a scent
of days and smiles atop new ground
the heaven of elder youth spent
an empty prison yearns for a face
but none ever read that fool's drivel
an empty person seeks an inmate
with all on parole, oh how civil
for crimes still yet to conceive or commit
evil or good whims dreamed and undreamt
consume or yet be consumed
all for a hint of perfume
20191122
20191122
20191122
i wrote an incredible amount on unfinished music over the course of my depression.
those dark times were oddly fruitful. my memories have left me, and even though i am happy and content, i wonder if i will ever be able to retrieve any of my past.
the fog of war seems to have purged all of my childhood and my first, terrible marriage. i'm on the other side of all that pain and suffering and just marvel at it all.
the breadth and width of it all, the weight of a thousand affronts now all forgiven and forgotten, what was i thinking?
depression has powerwashed the vaneer of my mental scrapbook until my very identity has become a nimble, fluid thing. ever shifting and evolving.
but all that pain is gone. replaced by a powerful love. but hubris and pride dictates that i still force myself to try and look back, to try and wonder what might've been.
like a fingernail in the quick, you have no choice to pull and tug and chew on it, relishing in the pain and promise of release.
if only it worked that way.
anyway, i am going to start tinkering on the music again. no one listens to it. maybe it'll all just collect dust with so many exabytes of others hopes and dreams.
blessed beyond belief to be living and have lived in a time with the privilege of preservation, yet knowing even the biggest contributions to mankind end up a footnote to a crumbling edifice of time. given enough time. even the beatles will be forgotten. honestly that's a little comforting.
i wrote an incredible amount on unfinished music over the course of my depression.
those dark times were oddly fruitful. my memories have left me, and even though i am happy and content, i wonder if i will ever be able to retrieve any of my past.
the fog of war seems to have purged all of my childhood and my first, terrible marriage. i'm on the other side of all that pain and suffering and just marvel at it all.
the breadth and width of it all, the weight of a thousand affronts now all forgiven and forgotten, what was i thinking?
depression has powerwashed the vaneer of my mental scrapbook until my very identity has become a nimble, fluid thing. ever shifting and evolving.
but all that pain is gone. replaced by a powerful love. but hubris and pride dictates that i still force myself to try and look back, to try and wonder what might've been.
like a fingernail in the quick, you have no choice to pull and tug and chew on it, relishing in the pain and promise of release.
if only it worked that way.
anyway, i am going to start tinkering on the music again. no one listens to it. maybe it'll all just collect dust with so many exabytes of others hopes and dreams.
blessed beyond belief to be living and have lived in a time with the privilege of preservation, yet knowing even the biggest contributions to mankind end up a footnote to a crumbling edifice of time. given enough time. even the beatles will be forgotten. honestly that's a little comforting.
20191111
20190812
20190812
latest bout of hypochondria: brain eating amoeba.
i'm sure swimming in that pool in texas has killed me; i just don't know it yet.
i'm sure swimming in that pool in texas has killed me; i just don't know it yet.
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