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My ex saw my dog -- previously, our dog -- in his cone collar today while dropping our child off and broke down, crying.  I don't think my daughter had ever seen emotion like that from her mother.  It made me wonder if there's still any humanity left in her.  After all, our dog used to be part of our family, the one she walked away from.  

I guess I should find solace in the fact that she's moved on.  Even after three years, moving on is still a daily process.  I ran this morning and rode bikes with kiddo this afternoon, women smiling at me as they passed by, separate lives joined but for a fleeting moment, and perhaps that's all I'll be afforded.  Why can't I move on?

I've started transitioning from a self conscious mindset towards something else: instead of thinking that no woman (or one out of X women) wants me, as I run I have started to convince myself that almost all of them want me.  Reality is probably somewhere in the middle I guess, but I live in extremes, and need to build a base of self confidence and swagger, lest I succumb to the demons of denial.

It's not even the biological imperative at this point; I mean, clearly, I need sex, but even that need has not been enough to motivate me.  Something deeper is required: comfort and companionship.  I need someone to hold, but more importantly, I need someone to hold me.