ok.
lately, i've been having some troubles connecting the dots mentally.
people asking me questions and having no answer. simple things, like, "who is your doctor" or "who is your team playing this weekend" or other somewhat mundane topics.
i realize that my mind or brain has been foggy for an indeterminate amount of time. i'm not sure when or how this started, nor am i sure of the cause.
tied to this realization is the fact that i have stopped writing songs, or writing in general. expressing myself has come so easily in the past that the inability to do it feels crippling and awkward.
so this entry is me trying to fight against this fog in my mind; trying to break through the mental wall that stands before me.
i don't feel like i'd be able to carry on a normal conversation with a person at this point. indeed, i sat next to some other parents tonight and was unable to answer simple questions or even make smalltalk.
of course, smalltalk has never really interested me; for most of those people, it's the world they live in.
i was having severe, uneasy mindaches after her game last night. these are not normal headaches, they're like a tension thing where i'm unable to pinpoint the source. and they're excruciating.
this post doesn't really have a rudder. i would like to write something poignant just to prove i can still open my mind's eye, but i can't seem to find the well.. or maybe it's dry.
anyway, it's midnight, i'm going to try and force something out anyway.
---
the clever paradigms found under mind
unwittingly purchased on borrowed time
the seed unseated whirls the dervish unkind
a death retweeted from a service unsigned
recalled to the latest brinkmanships
to fall on a lady's winks and quips
a stall on the climb, the clever eclipse
the wall and weather will never outstrip
a feeling of silence reflecting back
to a dealing of violence, so clever this knack
for skirting the danger of seeming attack
disinterested suitors who wish to turn back
the clock lacks sleep, and empathy too
while staring away at the person we knew
unable to follow the simplest cues
forever for never so clever so soon
---
better than nothing i suppose. maybe i can sleep now.
i really wanted to use 'digderidoo' in the last stanza. it rhymes well with "empathy too".
i listened to a 10 hour didgeridoo thing on youtube while composing this. i also irc'ed.
bought disgaea 5 for ps4 and it showed up tonight. kiddo won her volleyball game.
it wasn't an altogether horrible day. stay positive, p.
