20201021
hope this adds a little magic to your day. keep keepin' on.
20201021
20200921
20200921
20200921
had a great month. but it's a roller coaster.
"i want to fool around." "thank you for your honesty."
"don't look at me."
20200831
20200831
20200831
haven't really checked in in awhile. the secret the life may very well be gratitude.
be thankful, that's literally it.
there is so much to be thankful for in 2020.
20200829
20200828
20200828
Whelp, there it is, a complete bucket list night of sex and orgasms, the most amazing night of lovemaking in my life, I came 5 times and she came godonlyknows how many, and also I'm back under 200 lbs.
I'm almost glad we didn't connect in our 20s or we may very well have fucked ourselves to death.
Gotta thank my creator and the fates that put us here, karma or whatever I don't know but whatever it is, I have eternal gratitude, humility and respect.
20200821
20200819
20200819
20200819
made incredible love in a tent, under the stars. there's a first!
also did i mention it was incredible?
also did i mention i have the most amazing sex life ever, we're talking amazing sex every day kinda sex life? also i'm a sex god somehow? i am though.
:)
20200809
20200809
Used the jigsaw for the first time this morning. I am close to 200 lbs again. I am so ready to fail again but we will see.
Rode the bike for just a bit. Waiting on two covid tests.
Also, I really made mom laugh tonight, when I suggested that the reason her next door neighbor isn't very friendly is that the banana nut bread mom made for her the first week after she'd moved in had maube given her diarrhea. Kids say the darndest things.
20200808
20200808
20200808
writing music again. also, found a new genre of music to like.
it's called "dungeon synth", and it will instantly transport you back to point-and-click PC fantasy games.
and it's soothing and chill and nostalgic and wonderful.
20200727
20200727
20200727
another trip 'round the sun. grats. :)
might i recommend some debussy, obviously Clair de Lune and Arabesque no.1, but if you really want to hit the high notes, Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun.
life is good.
20200721
20200707
20200707
20200707 Of the 1,003 people killed by police last year, 405 were white, 250 were black, 163 were Hispanic, and 185 were recorded as other/unknown ethnicity.
Only 55 of those 1,003 individuals were unarmed — 25 white suspects, 14 black suspects, 11 Hispanic suspects, and five others.
14 unarmed blacks killed out of 10 million arrests. 0.00014 percent.
Only 55 of those 1,003 individuals were unarmed — 25 white suspects, 14 black suspects, 11 Hispanic suspects, and five others.
14 unarmed blacks killed out of 10 million arrests. 0.00014 percent.
20200512
20200510
20200427
20200426
20200422
20200421
20200420
20200417
20200417
20200417
Fell asleep in mid afternoon, tickle wake up with coffee started it. Rest of day off.
Fell asleep in mid afternoon, tickle wake up with coffee started it. Rest of day off.
20200415
20200412
20200317
20200317
20200317
well, it's st patrick's day, and what a strange one it is.
dealing with what appears to be a looming nationwide shutdown, and under such bizarre circumstances, and no one around me seems nearly as agitated by it.
i would have really sucked on the battlefield, i guess.
i'm not even sure if there's better news, on the better news front, but i'm still here at my desk until someone wisens up. or i just say fuck yall i'm out.
well, it's st patrick's day, and what a strange one it is.
dealing with what appears to be a looming nationwide shutdown, and under such bizarre circumstances, and no one around me seems nearly as agitated by it.
i would have really sucked on the battlefield, i guess.
i'm not even sure if there's better news, on the better news front, but i'm still here at my desk until someone wisens up. or i just say fuck yall i'm out.
20200316
20200316
20200316
what a difference two weeks makes, amirite?
i am now just trying to manage my anxiety, having come back from a hastily thrown together spring break in NOLA to a complete shutdown/lockdown back home.
i have probably(definitely) read way too much on this epidemic, and managed the absolutely scare the shit out of myself going on a full week.
i *did* call this shit. i didn't even want to go anywhere last week, dealing with the family disappointment of "no disney", only to find myself talked into something else.
but it's fine. everyone had a great time.
and yet, we're home, and we're gonna *be* home for a long time i think. unless i already have it. /shrug
we are bunkered down and hunkered down and fairly safe and well provisioned even. and i know full well all i need is some RPG time to avoid cabin fever. my brain is tailor made for idle sedation.
anxiety is absolutely wrecking to your immune system i read, so hopefully i can start tempering my fear soon and finding my inner courage.
i think i'm seriously considering a blackout of reddit and drudgereport and other associated sites for a few days, just to try and bring the keel of my ship back level again.
maybe i'll need to start writing some more of these little entries as we go, so that the next adventurer can perchance get some achievement points from them along the way.
:)
what a difference two weeks makes, amirite?
i am now just trying to manage my anxiety, having come back from a hastily thrown together spring break in NOLA to a complete shutdown/lockdown back home.
i have probably(definitely) read way too much on this epidemic, and managed the absolutely scare the shit out of myself going on a full week.
i *did* call this shit. i didn't even want to go anywhere last week, dealing with the family disappointment of "no disney", only to find myself talked into something else.
but it's fine. everyone had a great time.
and yet, we're home, and we're gonna *be* home for a long time i think. unless i already have it. /shrug
we are bunkered down and hunkered down and fairly safe and well provisioned even. and i know full well all i need is some RPG time to avoid cabin fever. my brain is tailor made for idle sedation.
anxiety is absolutely wrecking to your immune system i read, so hopefully i can start tempering my fear soon and finding my inner courage.
i think i'm seriously considering a blackout of reddit and drudgereport and other associated sites for a few days, just to try and bring the keel of my ship back level again.
maybe i'll need to start writing some more of these little entries as we go, so that the next adventurer can perchance get some achievement points from them along the way.
:)
20200306
20200305
20200305
I sit in a chair reflecting back upon my life
And I have so much yet to learn
and so much yet to see and do
It's love that holds it all together
I just had to let you know
That it's love that's holding back the weather
And the same will let it go
I sit on the beach feeling the wind feeling your hand in all
There's a ship on the ocean
And I can't decide if I like it
It's love that holds it all together
I just had to let you know
That it's love that's holding back the weather
And the same will let it go
It's love that holds it all together
I just had to let you know
That it's love that's holding back the weather
And the same will let it go
It's love that holds it all together
I just had to let you know
That it's love that's holding back the weather
And the same will let it go
I sit in a chair reflecting back upon my life
And I have so much yet to learn
and so much yet to see and do
It's love that holds it all together
I just had to let you know
That it's love that's holding back the weather
And the same will let it go
I sit on the beach feeling the wind feeling your hand in all
There's a ship on the ocean
And I can't decide if I like it
It's love that holds it all together
I just had to let you know
That it's love that's holding back the weather
And the same will let it go
It's love that holds it all together
I just had to let you know
That it's love that's holding back the weather
And the same will let it go
It's love that holds it all together
I just had to let you know
That it's love that's holding back the weather
And the same will let it go
20200225
20200121
20200113
20200110
20200110
20200110
ebb the flow of secrets and secretions into a tide of thoughts true[FALSE]
mood swinging on the porch like a bygone era, an air of mystery and wonder[CONTEMPT]
hemispheres afront to a new god, one who will supplant with graciousness[LOATHING]
such is the reality of the author, baptised in the word[METAPHOR]
if ever anyone should wander along, show them the manuscript of faith[FEAR]
only with newfound knowledge can one assert their own self-worth[LESSNESS]
and only now, half done, can one start to hear the whispers[whispers]
such is the eternal journey of human discovery[]
ebb the flow of secrets and secretions into a tide of thoughts true[FALSE]
mood swinging on the porch like a bygone era, an air of mystery and wonder[CONTEMPT]
hemispheres afront to a new god, one who will supplant with graciousness[LOATHING]
such is the reality of the author, baptised in the word[METAPHOR]
if ever anyone should wander along, show them the manuscript of faith[FEAR]
only with newfound knowledge can one assert their own self-worth[LESSNESS]
and only now, half done, can one start to hear the whispers[whispers]
such is the eternal journey of human discovery[]
20200108
20200108
Eternal life is now on my trail
Got my red glitter coffin, man, just need one last nail
While all these ugly gentlemen play out their foolish games
There's a flaming red horizon that screams our names
his note at 2:36 still brings me to tears.
and of course, the iconic finale note at 4:26.
There's no time for hatred, only questions
What is love, where is happiness, what is life, where is peace?
When will I find the strength to bring me release?
simply the best.
20200106
20200106
“When I die / Give what’s left of me away
To children / And old men that wait to die.
And if you need to cry, / Cry for your brother / Walking the street beside you
And when you need me, / Put your arms / Around anyone
And give to them / What you need to give to me.
I want to leave you something,
Something better
Than words
Or sounds.
Look for me / In the people I’ve known
Or loved, / And if you cannot give me away,
At least let me live in your eyes
And not on your mind.
You can love me most / By letting / Hands touch hands
By letting / Bodies touch bodies
And by letting go / Of children / That need to be free.
Love doesn’t die, / People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love, / Give me away”
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