two great words. cuckold. i.e., me.
and lagniappe. used by a coworker. also excellent.
20110608
20110607
20110607
Summer skies capture old lies
Painted shadows under old eyes
Bleeding past the horizon's glow
Creeping over holes below
A eulogy for a better man
Buried under the desert sands
Left embracing a hornet's nest
A half-life lived on house arrest
Safe and sound in another shell
Purchased heaven to find hell
Save your pity for a better man
Leave this one to the desert sands
Painted shadows under old eyes
Bleeding past the horizon's glow
Creeping over holes below
A eulogy for a better man
Buried under the desert sands
Left embracing a hornet's nest
A half-life lived on house arrest
Safe and sound in another shell
Purchased heaven to find hell
Save your pity for a better man
Leave this one to the desert sands
20110606
20110606-2
dropped my daughter at camp this morning (first day).
she is sporting a rash on both arms and a gaudy pirates of the caribbean temporary tattoo, both courtesy of her dumbfuck mother. she took her to a pool party with 0 other kids and apparently the pool had just been cleaned (so jump right in, by all means!), so probably a shitload of chlorine.. can't explain the tattoo, but the ex had one as well.
at least the weekend went well, as in she didn't yell at her daughter apparently. i just wish she'd move away; she is more harm than good.
she is sporting a rash on both arms and a gaudy pirates of the caribbean temporary tattoo, both courtesy of her dumbfuck mother. she took her to a pool party with 0 other kids and apparently the pool had just been cleaned (so jump right in, by all means!), so probably a shitload of chlorine.. can't explain the tattoo, but the ex had one as well.
at least the weekend went well, as in she didn't yell at her daughter apparently. i just wish she'd move away; she is more harm than good.
20110606
Good dreams and bad dreams
Meet with the middleman, again
An avid predictor of unmirth
Sweltering consciousness arise
Marriage is simply a pattern
Turns out, so is divorce
Continental drifting away slowly
Towards my fortress of solitude
Thats where the comparison ends
I assure you
Meet with the middleman, again
An avid predictor of unmirth
Sweltering consciousness arise
Marriage is simply a pattern
Turns out, so is divorce
Continental drifting away slowly
Towards my fortress of solitude
Thats where the comparison ends
I assure you
20110605
20110605
It's 6am and I'm walking flynn
Had a dream there was a gig
I was supposed to play with
Kurt Cobain
I'm not a big nirvana fan
But anyway
My guitar wouldn't cooperate
It was new and needed stringing
So they played without me
What does it mean?
Who knows...
Time for a run
Had a dream there was a gig
I was supposed to play with
Kurt Cobain
I'm not a big nirvana fan
But anyway
My guitar wouldn't cooperate
It was new and needed stringing
So they played without me
What does it mean?
Who knows...
Time for a run
20110604
20110604-2
so my ex picked up my kid from my mom yesterday. and i confirmed (again!) that she is indeed nuts.
she tried to hug my mom, quite unexpectedly, i suppose in an attempt to make peace with her. my mom said she stood like a post for this randomness, unsure how to react ("et tu brute, anyone?" .. or in the parlance of our times, i suppose admiral ackbar springs more to mind).
ex began blabbing about how "it took us a long time to realize we weren't made for each other" and "my family hates me" and then, unsurprisingly, she asked my mom if i was dating anyone. my mom replied that she didn't know because it wasn't any of her business. i love my mom.
apparently finding out you weren't made for someone is accomplished by fucking everyone who will text you back. i think it's killing her that she doesn't know if i'm dating anyone. if only she knew how fucking alone and lonely and hopeless and helpless i am right now. but i would never tell her. it will only feed her black ego and my bitter heart.
anyway, m wasn't even in the car yet and was already crying, because my ex got rid of the cat she had adopted, presumably because she got sick. so now the abandonment toll stands as follows:
one husband
one daughter
one dog (marley)
one cat (alice)
"but once mommy gets her new place, i'm thinking of getting a rabbit or hamster," she tells her daughter. so i think her master plan is to methodically abandon the entire animal kingdom, one at a time.
she is also taking kiddo to a pool party with no other children tonight, and she wouldn't tell me exactly where. joy.
she tried to hug my mom, quite unexpectedly, i suppose in an attempt to make peace with her. my mom said she stood like a post for this randomness, unsure how to react ("et tu brute, anyone?" .. or in the parlance of our times, i suppose admiral ackbar springs more to mind).
ex began blabbing about how "it took us a long time to realize we weren't made for each other" and "my family hates me" and then, unsurprisingly, she asked my mom if i was dating anyone. my mom replied that she didn't know because it wasn't any of her business. i love my mom.
apparently finding out you weren't made for someone is accomplished by fucking everyone who will text you back. i think it's killing her that she doesn't know if i'm dating anyone. if only she knew how fucking alone and lonely and hopeless and helpless i am right now. but i would never tell her. it will only feed her black ego and my bitter heart.
anyway, m wasn't even in the car yet and was already crying, because
one husband
one daughter
one dog (marley)
one cat (alice)
"but once mommy gets her new place, i'm thinking of getting a rabbit or hamster," she tells her daughter. so i think her master plan is to methodically abandon the entire animal kingdom, one at a time.
she is also taking kiddo to a pool party with no other children tonight, and she wouldn't tell me exactly where. joy.
20110604
Sleep reinvigorates the soul
Or at least it is supposed to
Unfortunately it's not the case
I wake up and it's already 95
My palms are still acting weird
The doc called after hours
So when I called back
They were already closed
Time to get my results I guess
Wonder if it's bad news
Gonna mow my front yard first
Words cannot express this heat
For 8am, it's just ridiculous
Ugh
Or at least it is supposed to
Unfortunately it's not the case
I wake up and it's already 95
My palms are still acting weird
The doc called after hours
So when I called back
They were already closed
Time to get my results I guess
Wonder if it's bad news
Gonna mow my front yard first
Words cannot express this heat
For 8am, it's just ridiculous
Ugh
20110603
20110603
I want to be one of them
The ones you see about town
Healthy and popular and free
Lean bodies approved for friction
Strong, an able participant
Life offers all its comforts
The shirt can come off at will
And there is no shame or fear
Because all is in proportion
What would I give for admission
The secret club of normalcy
I'd give everything, honestly
Shut down all other processes
Work on this effort exclusively
Why is my goal unrealistic
Keep at it, fuck all else
Keep chiseling away at yourself
The ones you see about town
Healthy and popular and free
Lean bodies approved for friction
Strong, an able participant
Life offers all its comforts
The shirt can come off at will
And there is no shame or fear
Because all is in proportion
What would I give for admission
The secret club of normalcy
I'd give everything, honestly
Shut down all other processes
Work on this effort exclusively
Why is my goal unrealistic
Keep at it, fuck all else
Keep chiseling away at yourself
20110602
20110602
The morning sun stabs again
Directly in the back as always
Beautiful yet dangerous
Life is like that this summer
An evershrinking precipice
Somewhere lies the killswitch
Only took three decades to find
When I hit it nothing happens
Somehow I lost power
Keep trying to reconnect
Keep trying
Directly in the back as always
Beautiful yet dangerous
Life is like that this summer
An evershrinking precipice
Somewhere lies the killswitch
Only took three decades to find
When I hit it nothing happens
Somehow I lost power
Keep trying to reconnect
Keep trying
20110601
20110601
Draw a face onto yourself
Creased around the edges
A smile that's pencil thin
Shade deeply around the eyes
Eyes that won't cry anymore
Color in if you feel the need
Or leave things black and white
Stay in shadow, it won't matter
A mask for all occasions
Wear it well, but remember
Removal will hurt immensely
And may well be impossible
That's the nature of things
Creased around the edges
A smile that's pencil thin
Shade deeply around the eyes
Eyes that won't cry anymore
Color in if you feel the need
Or leave things black and white
Stay in shadow, it won't matter
A mask for all occasions
Wear it well, but remember
Removal will hurt immensely
And may well be impossible
That's the nature of things
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