20150906

nothing captures the essence of organized religion quite like Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

20150830

it's a nightmare premonition morning

family huddled over the phone to hear a voice say -- i think -- "help me". was it my mom?

every time i crawl into bed, the fear and worry hit me.

20150829-2

i'm up.

20150829

Sick.  Going back to bed.

Kiddo had a YI.

Skipping pages gets to the end faster.

Back to bed.

20150828

running isnt even working. i'm the benny goodman of mood swings.

there's nothing wrong with me.

things were done to me. but there's nothing wrong with me.

20150824

Mom spent the day in the ER.

My brother spent the evening down there last night after we left, stressing her out and worrying the shit out of her... more shit about our dead nephew.  He's not the boys parent, yet this has been his fucking thing since it happened.

I'm angry at him, more than anything.  Angry at all of them, burdening my mother time and time again with their fucking problems.  We're all a bunch of cowards with low self-esteem and agoraphobia, and she's been a crutch for us our whole lives.  I love her, and I hope she makes it through this, but my siblings and I have done this to her.

He better not fucking call me tonight or he's getting an earful.

20150823

of all the door-to-door industries out there, how did door-to-door religion stand the test of time? i mean, if some dude came to my door with chocolate milk right now i'd do just about anything to complete that transaction, that's all i'm saying.

20150820

no.

20150818

ok apparently i shouldn't have gone off on my coworker in a meeting.

regret and guilt are flooding in.

20150817

taking branches out to street after mowing the front, neighborhood cunty mccuntersface #17 with her darling little cocker spaniel tells me (twice, as i had to take off my earbuds to hear her repeat it) that the garbage guys just came by today to take off the rubbish. yes, bitch, i know, i've lived here long enough to know when the goddamn sanitation crew swings by. now fuck off.

did i say this to her out loud? no, i said something polite.

taking a small break from yard work to bitch about this semi-publicly.

busybodies piss me right the fuck off.