An ominous morning welcomes me
Bright and bleak, a petulant sky
The heavens seem on fire
Rolling clouds of billowed smoke
My queue to recede
But the rain somehow subsides
And I take my morning walk
Venture out again, inexplicably
With my little furry companion
He's seen it all, knows the score
And he tells me no lies
Dogwood trees bloom in silence
Again fulfilling their quiet hymn
An annual effort stuck on repeat
Now the rain resumes, of course
My queue to recede
So back to the broken home
She's still stuck in my head
But I pried her out of my heart
Somehow it kept beating
Albeit with a few interruptions
Piles of unopened mail
Greet me with sadness
Each with air trapped inside
From some locale I'll never visit
Lists of unfinished projects
Unstarted, designed for two
Stuck in my aging fixer upper
Inevitably I stare inward
Am I an aging project too?
A project on someone else's list
Go ahead and cross it off now
Who can stand the investment
My tiny savior has awakened
Not so tiny anymore
She needs me here, so I take
My queue to recede
20110228
20110228
Nightmare:
Stuck in Florida, no clue where I'm going. I left my car at some high school and ran to some house (apparently mine) I confronted shitty friend #1 trying to take some evidence I had against a. There was a policeman with her, and I managed to convince him that this was my stuff and I didn't have anything. In the end though I helped her cart a huge chest out to her car. I then walked to another school and somehow got a bicycle but I couldn't find my way back to my car. It started snowing (in Florida?) and I got a flat. I called her and woke up.
Stuck in Florida, no clue where I'm going. I left my car at some high school and ran to some house (apparently mine) I confronted shitty friend #1 trying to take some evidence I had against a. There was a policeman with her, and I managed to convince him that this was my stuff and I didn't have anything. In the end though I helped her cart a huge chest out to her car. I then walked to another school and somehow got a bicycle but I couldn't find my way back to my car. It started snowing (in Florida?) and I got a flat. I called her and woke up.
20110227
20110227
She makes life difficult
That's just what she does
Filling in the empty spaces
With a good, strong buzz
Some don't have the capacity
To feel genuine loss
Shot straight through the heart
And she shrugs it off
Wears her dark sunglasses
So no one can reach her soul
Charon would wave her off
She could never pay the toll
That's just what she does
Filling in the empty spaces
With a good, strong buzz
Some don't have the capacity
To feel genuine loss
Shot straight through the heart
And she shrugs it off
Wears her dark sunglasses
So no one can reach her soul
Charon would wave her off
She could never pay the toll
20110226
20110226
Today, m knocked on my back door.. She had run away from a at the park near the house. I took her back, and a had no idea she had run away. She is supposed to go see a movie with shitty friend #1 and #2 and then go to a girl scout thing, but after that I think I'm getting her back tonight.
One weekend a month i wonder.. m is traumatized every time she sees a, just like me.
I wish I could fix m's suffering but, like everything else, I'm powerless. fml.
One weekend a month i wonder.. m is traumatized every time she sees a, just like me.
I wish I could fix m's suffering but, like everything else, I'm powerless. fml.
20110225
20110225
The building was packed
Colored sunlight streaming in
An audience embraced in light
Well dressed and separated
The unmistakable melody begins
A canon in D, clear and bright
There she is, resplendent
Perfection framed in white
Accompanied by a tearful man
Cameras hold their competition
They process past locked faces
Standing and reverent
The focus of everyone present
Including a boy at the altar
Nervous but committed, ready
All the formalities are observed
The ancient ritual is performed
Amongst cold marble and cloth
A setting like an old castle
November even relents for a day
Deference to a few short words
Each repeated as rehearsed
The crux of the occasion
Rings are symbolically exchanged
And there the smiling boy stood
Looking intently at his promise
Happy, for he'd yet to notice
Somewhere behind her eyes
Through her gleaming smile
Around her tears of joy
Past the gleaming white dress
Echoed only in her voice
There lived a collector of sadness
For her vows were but one lie
Amongst a scrapbook of lies
Colored sunlight streaming in
An audience embraced in light
Well dressed and separated
The unmistakable melody begins
A canon in D, clear and bright
There she is, resplendent
Perfection framed in white
Accompanied by a tearful man
Cameras hold their competition
They process past locked faces
Standing and reverent
The focus of everyone present
Including a boy at the altar
Nervous but committed, ready
All the formalities are observed
The ancient ritual is performed
Amongst cold marble and cloth
A setting like an old castle
November even relents for a day
Deference to a few short words
Each repeated as rehearsed
The crux of the occasion
Rings are symbolically exchanged
And there the smiling boy stood
Looking intently at his promise
Happy, for he'd yet to notice
Somewhere behind her eyes
Through her gleaming smile
Around her tears of joy
Past the gleaming white dress
Echoed only in her voice
There lived a collector of sadness
For her vows were but one lie
Amongst a scrapbook of lies
20110224
20110224
It's time to lose it all
Lose the delusions of grandeur
Lose the ridiculous self doubt
Lose the fragile ego
Lose the body image problems
Lose the weight for good
Lose the attitude of failure
Lose the pathetic front
Lose the tortured artist act
Lose the hopeless romantic act
Lose the dreamer facade
Lose the suicidal tendencies
Lose the escape plans
And find happiness
Lose the delusions of grandeur
Lose the ridiculous self doubt
Lose the fragile ego
Lose the body image problems
Lose the weight for good
Lose the attitude of failure
Lose the pathetic front
Lose the tortured artist act
Lose the hopeless romantic act
Lose the dreamer facade
Lose the suicidal tendencies
Lose the escape plans
And find happiness
20110223
20110223-3
Tonight she tells me:
I feel like mommy's already in heaven
Then she gives me dating advice
Then she says she wants a mommy
And also a sister
Because
A sister can't walk away
These are her words
At six
She broke down
Told me she wanted mommy back
We just kinda held each other
Fuck you, a
Fuck you for putting her through this
Fuck you for abandoning us
Fuck you for failing as a mom
Fuck you for giving up
Fuck you for picking right up where you left off with a totally new set of friends and lovers and pretending it's okay
Fuck you for making our daughter cry tears you'll never see, and never understand
Fuck you a.
I feel like mommy's already in heaven
Then she gives me dating advice
Then she says she wants a mommy
And also a sister
Because
A sister can't walk away
These are her words
At six
She broke down
Told me she wanted mommy back
We just kinda held each other
Fuck you, a
Fuck you for putting her through this
Fuck you for abandoning us
Fuck you for failing as a mom
Fuck you for giving up
Fuck you for picking right up where you left off with a totally new set of friends and lovers and pretending it's okay
Fuck you for making our daughter cry tears you'll never see, and never understand
Fuck you a.
20110223-2
It's like a movie you can quote
But can't remember the name
Everyone else laughing at you
Because you forgot to complain
Deposit effort and time
Withdraw a complacent mind
Another foiled escape plan
Still in the palm of her hands
I'll be damned
But can't remember the name
Everyone else laughing at you
Because you forgot to complain
Deposit effort and time
Withdraw a complacent mind
Another foiled escape plan
Still in the palm of her hands
I'll be damned
20110223
In a strange twist of fate
The heroine becomes the enemy
A natural protagonist miscast
She forgot her part completely
Takes to the stage, improvising
Somewhere behind the curtain
He lies in the fetal position
Comic relief in a tragedy
Cast as the fool, never on stage
He just wants this show to end
But he can't bring himself
To cut power to the building
Wait for the end scene first
For dramatic effect, you see
It'll be here before you know it
Though you'll wait a lifetime
The heroine becomes the enemy
A natural protagonist miscast
She forgot her part completely
Takes to the stage, improvising
Somewhere behind the curtain
He lies in the fetal position
Comic relief in a tragedy
Cast as the fool, never on stage
He just wants this show to end
But he can't bring himself
To cut power to the building
Wait for the end scene first
For dramatic effect, you see
It'll be here before you know it
Though you'll wait a lifetime
20110222
20110222-2
Considering making a mix tape of all the music she requested throughout the marriage.
Canon in D
Over and over again
Amazing
Animals
King of anything
Party in the USA
---
Good moms make lousy lovers
But I'd settle for one right now
Canon in D
Over and over again
Amazing
Animals
King of anything
Party in the USA
---
Good moms make lousy lovers
But I'd settle for one right now
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