20110531

it was tuesday. something happened. i was busy.

the divorce stole my thunder. i feel like if i can't actively hate her, i can't actively be creative. only time will tell if i'm bullshitting myself (i probably am).

i'm taking the week of the fourth off. haven't picked a destination. it might be my couch.

i had really shitty tacos at el mezcal. very underwhelming, and the service was shitty too. don't ever go there.

sorry, i'm feeling mundane.

20110530

now playing: AC/DC - Back In Black - Rock And Roll Ain't Noise Pollution [192kbps|4:14]

my mom has m all week. bitchface sent a text asking to see her, negative ghostrider the pattern is full. i haven't been able to write a song since my divorce was finalized. i'm not sure what the deal is.. maybe i'm just out of ideas. or maybe i just don't give a fuck anymore. or maybe it's this sickness i have. after listening to elliott for days i have ac/dc in my headphones here at work and it sounds refreshing honestly. maybe i'll write something about not having anything to write about.

spent the morning at the minor medical center (yes on memorial day). i now have a supply of antibiotics and a low white blood cell count. joy.

20110529

Evidentiary hearing to commence
Court will now come to chaos
Falsehood has the floor again
Lies have been sworn in as truth
Someone must take the stand
The witnesses are all a no show
Plaintiff or defendant, I forget
No mitigation in sight, too staunch
A victory is still a fucking loss
All too soon it's in a judges hands
Now all you have left is the loss
---
my "flu" is over. it has left me feeling like i have arthritis. my palms are painful and feel like i have an itch just under the surface i can't reach. if it doesn't pass i'm going to have to get tested for lyme. also fun: my hand is killing me after playing guitar. i couldn't get comfortable at all last night; i slept in three different places and somehow ended up on the couch. this is not good. sleeping is *never* a problem for me, but my body/skin feels uncomfortable all over since this struck, and it's been almost a week. god i hope it passes.
---
attempted to use the new weedeater i bought yesterday to finally make my front yard look presentable. two things happened. i used up the plastic cord thing in about two minutes. and i discovered i have a body rash. i never really noticed it or it appeared overnight, but it's definitely there. keying in my symptoms (fever, chills, followed a few days later by a body rash) appears to turn up rocky mountain spotted fever.

20110528

Let the words dry up
They cannot assuage your truth
Let the mouth moisten
The blood of the innocents
Let the taste coalesce
A crepuscular awareness alone
Let the rest of the day burn

20110527

now playing: Elliott Smith - From a Basement On the Hill unreleased, rough/alternate mixes - Stickman (backwards drum version, 'acoustic' mix) [320kbps|4:01]

ditched all friends, gave my tickets away, locked the doors, and said goodbye to the week.

recorded some music while i was crying today. they sound better with real emotion.

listen to enough live music, and you'll inevitably hear catcalls and screams during the first chords of each song, as audience members loudly proclaim that they recognize the song before everyone else. this got me wondering how many of those listeners are full of shit. i want to write a song about accepted yet ridiculous group social phenomenons like that. it sure as hell ruins a lot of live music.

20110526

this flu is not yet done with me
my entire body is sore
like i just did some lifting
and my skin is sensitive as hell
when i survived the first night
i thought it was a 24 hour deal
now four days later, it's still here
this is something else entirely
and to happen this damned week
the single most important week
as far as my job, and her school
it feels as if the fates conspired
fuck em

i'm totally delirious right now
had no power, no cell last night
and no one wants to talk to me
maybe i'll pass out and wake up
and it will already be last week

20110525

An impossible machine awakens
Fueled by fossils from far below
It creaks to life expectantly
With a sole, unabiding purpose
To carve away imperfections
Designed to remake its maker
The work is long and arduous
Painful for creator and creation
But oh the fruits of their labor
The physical, emotional stupor
A distant soul reared far apart
Pulled back towards the fold
Every iota of success measured
The machine continues its work

20110524

Just got hit by a 24hr flu bug
Chills, fever, whole nine yards
Kiddo helped out immensely
I hate when we can't play
We had a staring contest instead
She's so ingenious sometimes
Still reeling but I gotta go in
This week is uber important
Might've been food poisoning
Whatever it was, never again
They sent me home this morning
Spent most of the day fine
Then the fever returned tonight
Just broke so I'm crashing
I'm still passive aggressive
Asked my child for a ruling
On her mother picking her up
I do it without thinking, so sad
Who would want someone like me
A game player unaware
Habits formed from the marriage
A decade of dysfunction
I need therapy.

20110523

now playing: Elliott Smith - Figure 8 non-album - A Living Will [320kbps|2:33]

Nice to have my own soundtrack
I have accomplished a great deal
So why am I crying to Elliott
He says leave well enough alone
As usual, its damn good advice
Keep doing what you're doing
Be content leaving my legacy
And keep working, staying alive
In search of resonate analogies
Metaphors which can harmonize
Here's what hit me this morning
Some dogs bark from moving cars
And some don't feel the need
Trite and contrite, my favorite

Unbelievable that he wrote songs like this that weren't on an album.

20110522

now cooking: pot roast

Everyone can see through me
Exposed to the worst elements
Clearly I am now invisible
Pushing through a film I built
Opaque to me but no one else
Find yourself before they do
Otherwise doomed to repeat