soooo
today i woke up and ran. although it was quite cold, so not my normal distance. yesterday's run was really awesome... the trails behind parents house and the whole neighborhood. very good way to clear my mind.
anyway, afterwards, cleaned up and drove down to pick up m.. fell asleep on the couch while she was watching peter pan (with jeremy irons). woke up about 1pm and took her home, where we proceeded to watch temple of doom again.
we then went to mass. m and i sat next to brother/nephew, who had also arrived right before it started. i could not deal with seeing cousins and their happy little fucking families. and m was tired. i gave $10 for some reason. maybe to give back. it just felt right at the time.
i am truly blessed to have made it this far through this ordeal, and i do thank god for that. but seeing my cousins happily married made me feel so small and embarassed to have FAILED at it, and maddie was tired, that we ducked out essentially right after they processed back at the end.
we drove home and i called a, who was already "camped out" at the house with shitty dog the hair machine. her intention was to pick m up and take her to d's. but m was tired and didn't feel good and basically told her mom no when we got there. i laughed afterwards, cause a just said fuck it and left. i made m some noodles and then we read a berenstain bears book and she crashed out in my bed.
she prepared two cupcakes and milk for santa, each cupcake had a strawberry icing heart on top. pretty damn cute, if i do say so myself. i hope beyond hope that she has a good christmas morning with as little drama as possible. we're going out to bro's and then to sis's i believe.
and sunday, her aunt is going to come pick her up and take her their christmas. i hear a now...
bleh.
