reunion with a clouded eye
affront to backwards due design
consent is handed down again
from all the hand-me-downs of sin
at last the certainty has passed
but first we certainly are passed
a revelation set in stone
from skin to blood and blood to bone
complete a neverending tale
to grasp success in time to fail
20120130
20120129
20120128
an example of ex-related retardation:
ex: can i keep a pair of jeans for m at my house?
me: um, you can't buy her a pair of jeans?
ex: well i did, and she said she liked them, but she won't wear them.
me: just go to target or whatever and buy some elastic jeans
ex: i don't like elastic jeans, they promote unhealthy eating and weight gain
me: well then why did you just ask for them?
...
shit like this hurts my brain
ex: can i keep a pair of jeans for m at my house?
me: um, you can't buy her a pair of jeans?
ex: well i did, and she said she liked them, but she won't wear them.
me: just go to target or whatever and buy some elastic jeans
ex: i don't like elastic jeans, they promote unhealthy eating and weight gain
me: well then why did you just ask for them?
...
shit like this hurts my brain
20120127
20120126
20120126
time for work, assume the position
a commoner in the king's court
nominal fees and value adds
a sense of pleasant urgency abides
is there ever return on investment
not for the endangered species
routine has become the impetus
toward the interminable push
freed from approaching fragilities
just in time to be turned away
a commoner in the king's court
nominal fees and value adds
a sense of pleasant urgency abides
is there ever return on investment
not for the endangered species
routine has become the impetus
toward the interminable push
freed from approaching fragilities
just in time to be turned away
20120125
20120125
started reading narnia to her tonight. working on an issue with her being reluctant to read/test for accelerated reader at school. bleh. i may have signed myself up for a parent/teacher conference and everything.
work is insane. if we go full on mba mode i'm fucking leaving.
work is insane. if we go full on mba mode i'm fucking leaving.
20120123
20120123
got to run. felt great!!@
took a change of clothes for her when i picked her up from ballet, and we went to logan's roadhouse. 6oz sirloin, veggie skewers, and sweet potato and i'm stuffed. i think the waitress has a thing for me.
took a change of clothes for her when i picked her up from ballet, and we went to logan's roadhouse. 6oz sirloin, veggie skewers, and sweet potato and i'm stuffed. i think the waitress has a thing for me.
20120122
20120122
more lifting. this morning i'm going to run. possibly. the laziness jury is still out debating on the subject.
nope
ended up going on a walk with the dog and then to .. church? seriously? well, i have to register kiddo for school and i have to fulfill certain requirements for the lowest tuition. like giving money at church. does that make me a shitty follower? probably.
so, somewhat hypothetical question: if i were to make the choice to remain celibate for the rest of my life, would that make me a bad person? i want a girlfriend-type relationship approximately 20% of the time. give or take. and i'm not considering sex for that number. i want sex 100% of the time, every guy does. but is that a compelling reason to jump into the gordian knot of a relationship? not at the moment.
nope
ended up going on a walk with the dog and then to .. church? seriously? well, i have to register kiddo for school and i have to fulfill certain requirements for the lowest tuition. like giving money at church. does that make me a shitty follower? probably.
so, somewhat hypothetical question: if i were to make the choice to remain celibate for the rest of my life, would that make me a bad person? i want a girlfriend-type relationship approximately 20% of the time. give or take. and i'm not considering sex for that number. i want sex 100% of the time, every guy does. but is that a compelling reason to jump into the gordian knot of a relationship? not at the moment.
20120120
20120120
lifting and such today. can't go to sleep. really tired of this. pun intended.
is it possible to be in a good mood permeated with a feeling of impending doom? yeah, that's me right now.
is it possible to be in a good mood permeated with a feeling of impending doom? yeah, that's me right now.
20120117
20120116
20120115
20120115
church was a struggle but it happened. authoritah respected.
made egg muffins last night for the first time in awhile, and i'm making chicken soup in the crock pot. go me.
made egg muffins last night for the first time in awhile, and i'm making chicken soup in the crock pot. go me.
20120114
20120114
supposedly i'm going to paint today. i cleaned out the room at about 3am this morning. moved the file cabinet out, moved the squat cage to the very center, etc. i'm taking off wall plates this morning. i made what i consider to be an impulse buy on the actual paint though. the color i wanted was at lowe's but my parents told me home despot had a deal so i went there yesterday afternoon. i'm not 100% on this color (WHY ARE YOU PUTTING IT ON YOUR WALLS) but i need to see it out of the can first.
i tell myself i'm just being a pussy and need to man up and accept my own decisions.
12:20 AM on the 15th:
hey. it didn't turn out too bad. also: shopping at kroger's at 11pm is fun.
i tell myself i'm just being a pussy and need to man up and accept my own decisions.
12:20 AM on the 15th:
hey. it didn't turn out too bad. also: shopping at kroger's at 11pm is fun.
20120113
20120113-2
paint purchased.
breakfast: leftover chicken breast
lunch: chicken salad at chick fil-a
dinner: chicken salad at newk's ;)
time for fallout3.
breakfast: leftover chicken breast
lunch: chicken salad at chick fil-a
dinner: chicken salad at newk's ;)
time for fallout3.
20120113
kiddo is elsewhere this weekend.
12 hours of sleep. i guess i needed it.
the last bout was a nightmare with a woman. wonder if that's the ghost.
time to get ready for friday. i really need a haircut.
might get some paints this weekend.
12 hours of sleep. i guess i needed it.
the last bout was a nightmare with a woman. wonder if that's the ghost.
time to get ready for friday. i really need a haircut.
might get some paints this weekend.
20120112
20120109
20120109-2
random shopping list (deal with it):
dried figs (made in nature sun dried black mission figs, so damn good)
fridge letters
kid's socks
dried figs (made in nature sun dried black mission figs, so damn good)
fridge letters
kid's socks
20120109
didnt even make it to my desk this morning. i was feeling good, then my female coworker sees me as i'm walking towards my desk and asks
"hey does your wife still play roller derby?"
...
so then we walk together towards the office discussing roller derby and eventually hockey. i was almost thankful i got a call from another coworker until i realized i needed to head to the datacenter to be surrounded by bigwigs and vendor guys for an hour looking at a storage issue. i just got to my desk, and so far this work week is not shaping up well at all.
it's days like this when i wish i could be mindlessly doing dailies in wow.
"hey does your wife still play roller derby?"
...
so then we walk together towards the office discussing roller derby and eventually hockey. i was almost thankful i got a call from another coworker until i realized i needed to head to the datacenter to be surrounded by bigwigs and vendor guys for an hour looking at a storage issue. i just got to my desk, and so far this work week is not shaping up well at all.
it's days like this when i wish i could be mindlessly doing dailies in wow.
20120107
20120107
i've been sparse as of late on the blog postings. sorry.
today was a good day all in all.
chuck e cheese, restaurant, huge playground at the local park.
had a tea party, etc.
then it was time for bed. read books, and we started asking questions. started out innocent enough. favorite colors, favorite weather, benign topics to chill her out for bedtime.
somehow it got onto mommy, and she ended up crying her little eyes out on me.
there is no "why". how can you help a child understand this, when the parent barely grasps the concept himself?
she told me she didn't want me to leave the room.. but i needed to go do something to get this off my mind. i grabbed the guitar and played her a lullaby and she was out in about two minutes. i laid there and played for twenty.
it's been a little over a year and my soul is as vacuous as ever. nothing seems to fill that void. maybe nothing ever will. i'll soldier on and work on this wretched husk of a home this year, but every tear my child sheds trying to wrap her mind around this sends her further down a path where i cannot tread.
i can only offer distractions, a remedy which has yet to work for me.
today was a good day all in all.
chuck e cheese, restaurant, huge playground at the local park.
had a tea party, etc.
then it was time for bed. read books, and we started asking questions. started out innocent enough. favorite colors, favorite weather, benign topics to chill her out for bedtime.
somehow it got onto mommy, and she ended up crying her little eyes out on me.
there is no "why". how can you help a child understand this, when the parent barely grasps the concept himself?
she told me she didn't want me to leave the room.. but i needed to go do something to get this off my mind. i grabbed the guitar and played her a lullaby and she was out in about two minutes. i laid there and played for twenty.
it's been a little over a year and my soul is as vacuous as ever. nothing seems to fill that void. maybe nothing ever will. i'll soldier on and work on this wretched husk of a home this year, but every tear my child sheds trying to wrap her mind around this sends her further down a path where i cannot tread.
i can only offer distractions, a remedy which has yet to work for me.
20120104
20120102
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