i've been sparse as of late on the blog postings. sorry.
today was a good day all in all.
chuck e cheese, restaurant, huge playground at the local park.
had a tea party, etc.
then it was time for bed. read books, and we started asking questions. started out innocent enough. favorite colors, favorite weather, benign topics to chill her out for bedtime.
somehow it got onto mommy, and she ended up crying her little eyes out on me.
there is no "why". how can you help a child understand this, when the parent barely grasps the concept himself?
she told me she didn't want me to leave the room.. but i needed to go do something to get this off my mind. i grabbed the guitar and played her a lullaby and she was out in about two minutes. i laid there and played for twenty.
it's been a little over a year and my soul is as vacuous as ever. nothing seems to fill that void. maybe nothing ever will. i'll soldier on and work on this wretched husk of a home this year, but every tear my child sheds trying to wrap her mind around this sends her further down a path where i cannot tread.
i can only offer distractions, a remedy which has yet to work for me.
