i have a freaking pounding headache and i have to go to school orientation.
from: bitchface
to: me
When you *chose* to have full control of her schooling and extra curriculars, you *chose* the responsibility for transportation as well. You can't make all the decisions and just expect me to be okay with them. As far as the money you spent for her school, you have absolutely no right or justification for saying I have no responsibility. I give you money every month. The court has ruled that I give you $356 per month. The fact that you *choose* to put into an account for her future does not mean that I have no responsibility. That IS my responsibility, and while I wish I could provide more, I cannot. While I agree with that and am obviously fine with it, you don't get to throw the statement around that I DON'T have responsibility for her school.... you can choose to use some of the money in her account to pay for those things. I have no control or say-so in how that money gets spent, but you DO NOT get to act like the poor marytr about spending so much money. You want her in a private school, you want to let her do everything she wants to do... you pay for it. I appreciate the fact that she is in private school, and I want her to be able to do the things she wants, and I contribute everything I can to that cause.
You had those papers written for you, remember? It allllll benefits you. There is NOTHING in those papers about how you spend the money I give you for her. You don't get to complain about spending so much when you make the decisions about how it gets spent, especially when you *choose* to not use the money I give (but rather put it into an account). I agree with your decision about the account, and I think it will be a great thing for her in the future, but the fact of the matter is, if the money you have to spend is becoming a burden, you have that account to help cushion that burden, therefore you don't get to throw it in my face. The parenting agreement gives you complete power over all decision making regarding school, religion, extracirrucular activities, etc, and as I'm sure you know "To whom much has been given, much will be expected" Since you chose to "be given" control of all these things, you are expected to be solely responsible for them, and I'm not even asking for that. I'm asking to SHARE the responsibility. I am certain that a schedule was available before you signed m up for soccer. If you failed to inquire about the schedule, that is an oversight on your part. I cannot reasonably assume that the school would take a parent's money without being able to provide the time commitment needed. For the sake of argument, what if practice was Tuesday and Thursday night, and a parent was completely unable to commit to those times? Unreasonable assumption. You would never admit it, but in the back of my mind, I can't help but think you allowed this to intentionally try to limit my time with m even more than it already is. Maybe I'm wrong, and I hope I am, but anyone with an ounce of common sense could reasonably assume that there would be at least one practice every weekend.
I really don't understand how you claim you are not attempting to undermine my relationship with my daughter when you say that you will make sure she knows I'm the one keeping her from her soccer. I don't want to keep her from it, but I think it is unreasonable for you to suggest that I (having been "given" nothing concerning the decision making for any activities) should be "expected" to solely bear the responsibility for getting her to practice every other Saturday. This means I would make three trips to and from _hometown_ in thirty-six hours' time to take her to an hour long practice. Maybe I have been unclear. It is not about the miles on my car. It is not about the gas money. It is the fact that, as you would have it, my 96 hours a month is reduced, because lets face it, time in the car (especially for m) is less than "quality time". If she has 8 practices in a month, missing one is NOT a big deal at all. It seems as though you are looking for anything you can use to hurt our relationship even more, when all I am trying to do is help our relationship. After all, before this ordeal started, you were okay with her missing a game every now-and-then. If you are okay with her missing a game, but not okay with her missing a practice (on my weekend... I'm sure if she had something she wanted to do on YOUR weekend during soccer practice, be it a birthday party, other school activity, whatever, you would likely agree to her missing practice), maybe you are missing the overall point of the activity. She should not miss ANY games as far as I'm concerned. She should be there to play in the game, support her teammates, and build life skills regarding teamwork. Missing a game is FAR more detrimental to this goal than missing a practice. I want her to be involved in school and sports. I feel this is important for her development... but missing one time isn't going to make a difference, and you know it isn't. I just cannot understand why you are unwilling to compromise. I feel the compromise I originally offered was MORE than fair, but you absolutely refuse. Of course, you will not tell her about this part... you only want to tell her "your mother is keeping you from doing something you want to do, but your father is doing everything he can to allow you to do what you want to do." That is wrong. That is undermining.
The job I was offered this year, and took so that I could provide what I can for my daughter, make my insurance payments, and to put a roof over my head, is an hour in the opposite direction. Unfortunate, yes. But it was the only option I had. I would rather spend my time with m with HER, and not shuttling her back and forth for an hour's worth of practice. One missed practice a month is not the end of the world. Alternatively, you can pick her up in _BFE_ at 8:30 and bring her back when she's finished. You don't want to do that? Imagine how I feel! You are asking me to either cut my 96 hours a month to 48, or to drive 150 miles every other weekend to get her to practice and back, yet you cant give 50 miles once a month to match my nearly 24 hours of lost time with my daughter per month. I feel 50 miles is far less sacrifice than 24 hours, yet I am willing to do that. I'm willing to do that to insure my daughter gets to participate in an activity she is obviously very excited about. She will never hear that though. She will only hear "your mother doesn't want to take you to practice on her weekends".
You have "parental control", and more than anything, I think that's what all of this stems from -- your need for control. You do have control over extracurricular activities. I don't dispute that. But with that control comes responsibility, and you cannot have the control and shirk the responsibility. You cannot have your cake, and expect to eat it as well. And what does inviting my mother to practice have to do with anything? It doesn't, so I don't see why you even mention it (as if I didnt already know...) I am not trying to cut *her* time on soccer practice. I am trying to compromise. You cannot seem to do that, and that is unfortunate. If this is destined to be the tone for the next 11 years, I truly believe it will ultimately be detrimental for our daughter. You say "she is going to understand fully that this is your decision". That is an outright lie. That is not my decision. My decision is the compromise -- to allow her to participate in every practice, every game. It was YOUR decision to reject that compromise, and if things continue on this track, she is going to understand that fully.
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from: me
to: bitchface
You didn't consult with me before moving out of _hometown_.
The responsibility I am talking about regarding registration has nothing to do with money, and everything to do with involvement (read: you completely missed the point and wasted 2-3 paragraphs on it). You have made it painfully clear you want nothing to do with her *except* when it is convenient for you, on *your* time. Instead of focusing on *your* time, why don't you focus on *her* time, which makes up the vast majority of her life and upbringing. And as far as m hearing "your mother this" or "your mother that", I never speak ill of you... she is more than capable of figuring all that out on her own.
I'm trying to imagine how a "consultation" would have gone. "m wants to play ______." "Will it involve Saturdays?" "(common sense) of course." "Well then, no." On so on and so forth throughout her life. I'm surprised you haven't moved further away by now anyway: have you not stated to me, your bf, family, friends, etc, that moving away is the ultimate goal?
You even told me flat out that you might be working on Saturdays this Fall, and we would might look at Saturday>Sunday visitation because of it. Why is it that when something inconveniences me, it's completely acceptable, but when something inconveniences you, it's a huge issue?
Almost every girl in her class in playing.. so much so that they may have to create a third team. And btw, it is extremely likely that Saturday practices will turn into games from Sept onward. Since you have stated it is so important she makes her games, you should have no issue getting her there.
I signed her up because she expressed interest many times in playing and I would rather have her in a structured sport than sedentary. This is an incredibly good thing for her, better than dance even, and I wasn't going to pass it up. I did not sign her up to have less time with you: that is a childish insinuation, but not altogether unsurprising. My only oversight here was being naive enough to think you'd put her above yourself for once. There was no schedule, no one even knew who was coaching until two days before the first practice. The athletic director just changed over the summer and the only word any parent received was a deadline for registration.
I mentioned your mother because I wanted you to know that I care about involvement from your side of the family. I want m to feel like she has support. I didn't hear from her all week, and was trying to reach out to her. I don't know why that's an issue for *you*.
Having me drive on your time is not any sort of compromise. You keep using this word.. I do not think it means what you think it means.
I have to get ready for orientation now.
This weekend is her first scrimmage. I hope you can make the sacrifice.
