moments are fleeting
decimals repeating
cancer left untreated
please remain seated
a job well done
missing in action
a conjurer's cloak
of sadness and smoke
so far so bad
my blank wanted ad
20110630
20110629
20110629
Future problems solved with past mistakes. Back to back encumbrances flock to the scene of an accident waiting to happen. Nestled quietly in a din of motivation and inability to change, the warrior's residence becomes a tomb before he even realizes.
Backtrack months of progress with a single meal, and you'll see how difficult it is to reconstruct destiny after it shattered on the floor.
The body cannot maintain the simple pace and plan indicated, and rebels out of spite or other self-interests yet unknown. The mind becomes a caged animal clawing in vein at the appointed constraints and scrabbling for purchase on a Sisyphean incline of it's own making.
Weary. So very weary.
Backtrack months of progress with a single meal, and you'll see how difficult it is to reconstruct destiny after it shattered on the floor.
The body cannot maintain the simple pace and plan indicated, and rebels out of spite or other self-interests yet unknown. The mind becomes a caged animal clawing in vein at the appointed constraints and scrabbling for purchase on a Sisyphean incline of it's own making.
Weary. So very weary.
20110628
20110628
Fascinating fiction spun from the perspective of one who believes that all the wit and wisdom of our universe emanates directly from their glory hole.
A delicate, penetrable flower sown from the seeds of a fluid negotiation long directed towards a disassociated, distracted victor.
Long have the little authors wondered if their unseen short stories would have a lasting effect on the great orators demand for constant consumption and attention.
If there is a moral to the story, it is yet to be found, even with clues scattered around.
A delicate, penetrable flower sown from the seeds of a fluid negotiation long directed towards a disassociated, distracted victor.
Long have the little authors wondered if their unseen short stories would have a lasting effect on the great orators demand for constant consumption and attention.
If there is a moral to the story, it is yet to be found, even with clues scattered around.
20110627
20110627
helped get my friend back on the road sunday morning, and i believe the layover was positive.
my back gave out yesterday, literally feet from my house. i was finishing up a good run.. it was too hot and i was tired. i had forgotten my bandages (which are essential) and my cotton shirt (i wear two layers, because i'm self conscious) was stained with blood as i made my way home. anyway, like i said, it was damn hot (seven hells! was the expression which kept coming to mind) and i had bad form coming down the hill. spasm had the effect of lightning arcing across a sky, behind me. so.... sunday was a bit of a chill day. i did play some baseball with m after i picked her back up, but it was mainly an xbox day, and today will be as well. damn body. why can't you can't cooperate with my plans.
i went into work anyway. my coworker, perhaps finally annoyed by my groans and moans, asked if i wanted an ibuprofen, and i reluctantly took one. now i'm loopy. from one. heh.
my ex is still texting me with her planning orgies, and although i had been dutifully ignoring her, i was annoyed and inspired enough this morning to send her the following:
i doubt she had any idea what it was of course. i'm hoping she points the phone at her boyfriend and gets her answer. it amused me, and that was really the point of the exercise.
i had a jalapeno burger today with sweet potato fries at lunch. because i want to sabotage myself, i think. the self flagellation will air on schedule this evening.
my back gave out yesterday, literally feet from my house. i was finishing up a good run.. it was too hot and i was tired. i had forgotten my bandages (which are essential) and my cotton shirt (i wear two layers, because i'm self conscious) was stained with blood as i made my way home. anyway, like i said, it was damn hot (seven hells! was the expression which kept coming to mind) and i had bad form coming down the hill. spasm had the effect of lightning arcing across a sky, behind me. so.... sunday was a bit of a chill day. i did play some baseball with m after i picked her back up, but it was mainly an xbox day, and today will be as well. damn body. why can't you can't cooperate with my plans.
i went into work anyway. my coworker, perhaps finally annoyed by my groans and moans, asked if i wanted an ibuprofen, and i reluctantly took one. now i'm loopy. from one. heh.
my ex is still texting me with her planning orgies, and although i had been dutifully ignoring her, i was annoyed and inspired enough this morning to send her the following:
i doubt she had any idea what it was of course. i'm hoping she points the phone at her boyfriend and gets her answer. it amused me, and that was really the point of the exercise.
i had a jalapeno burger today with sweet potato fries at lunch. because i want to sabotage myself, i think. the self flagellation will air on schedule this evening.
20110626
20110626
i want to write a song using words rhymed solely garnered from misheard lyrics. that one carrie underwood song (yes, i know, i know) with "carved my name into his leather seats" i always hear as "carved my name into his legacy". and i might play off of that. who knows. my songwriting output has slowed considerably lately, and i guess i consider it a problem rather than a curiosity. everything in my life is seemingly progressing at the safest (and slowest) pace. weight loss, creativity, love, etc. are these doldrums? possibly.
---
m is spending the night with my mom tonight, and i am assisting an awesome friend through a move by providing shelter and entertainment. i get a good feeling helping others, which is ironic in that my introversion has angrily stamped out human contact in the past few months like a ground fire. whether or not i am a judgmental prick, i am a good man at heart.
---
m is spending the night with my mom tonight, and i am assisting an awesome friend through a move by providing shelter and entertainment. i get a good feeling helping others, which is ironic in that my introversion has angrily stamped out human contact in the past few months like a ground fire. whether or not i am a judgmental prick, i am a good man at heart.
20110625
20110624
20110624
Kiddo went to putt-putt yesterday. Picked her up and came home to find that Lego Pirates had arrived for the xbox. And there was much rejoicing. We played about an hour, then had dinner.
We attempted to play baseball, as we had played for a couple of hours the day before, but she lost her temper and I put a stop to the game.
I am trying my best to calm her down a bit, but divorce does this to kids. She screams and yells when things don't go her way; I'm working with her in the only way I know how.
She had timeout after the fit and xbox/baseball were off the table. She played by herself for awhile, but eventually I came and played house with her a sec. We watched a little tv (something on a science channel), caught fireflies, read books and then bed.
She is back in her bed again, against her nightly protests. It's been hard since the divorce but she'll be better off in the long run.
It is so hard being the only parent. I must continuously deal with the reality that my best might not be good enough when it comes to parenting. That my inadequacies translate to other facets of my life doesn't bother me per se; the fact that my daughter might suffer does. A lot.
We attempted to play baseball, as we had played for a couple of hours the day before, but she lost her temper and I put a stop to the game.
I am trying my best to calm her down a bit, but divorce does this to kids. She screams and yells when things don't go her way; I'm working with her in the only way I know how.
She had timeout after the fit and xbox/baseball were off the table. She played by herself for awhile, but eventually I came and played house with her a sec. We watched a little tv (something on a science channel), caught fireflies, read books and then bed.
She is back in her bed again, against her nightly protests. It's been hard since the divorce but she'll be better off in the long run.
It is so hard being the only parent. I must continuously deal with the reality that my best might not be good enough when it comes to parenting. That my inadequacies translate to other facets of my life doesn't bother me per se; the fact that my daughter might suffer does. A lot.
20110623
20110623
This belief is incontrovertible
Hold it well up high to scrutiny
Body and mind's needs in twain
Back out of your driveway again
Merge into human trafficking
Find a new search engine
Everything on your own terms
Hold it well up high to scrutiny
Body and mind's needs in twain
Back out of your driveway again
Merge into human trafficking
Find a new search engine
Everything on your own terms
20110622
20110622
Let's exercise all over again
Run the established routine
Half awake, and half asleep
Sell it all to make the scene
One foot in front of the other
Sign on the dotted line
Go until your body stops you
Sell it all and you'll be fine
One lie right after the other
Tell yourself you can skip in line
Stop before your mind stops you
Sell it all, you'll never be fine
Utility's killing all over again
So weary of the routine
I'd rather just stay asleep
Sell it all and fuck the scene
Run the established routine
Half awake, and half asleep
Sell it all to make the scene
One foot in front of the other
Sign on the dotted line
Go until your body stops you
Sell it all and you'll be fine
One lie right after the other
Tell yourself you can skip in line
Stop before your mind stops you
Sell it all, you'll never be fine
Utility's killing all over again
So weary of the routine
I'd rather just stay asleep
Sell it all and fuck the scene
20110621
20110621-2
happy birthday to my eldest brother, who still believes i'm a die hard catholic. also happy summer solstice. cough.
final conversation thread cut
calorie counting the hours down
syndrome of the universe
symptom of an eternal frown
little lies cut little ties
unauthorized to conceptualize
fleeting memories across town
ever head southbound and down
figure eight to pirouette
no one cared to notice yet
final conversation thread cut
calorie counting the hours down
syndrome of the universe
symptom of an eternal frown
little lies cut little ties
unauthorized to conceptualize
fleeting memories across town
ever head southbound and down
figure eight to pirouette
no one cared to notice yet
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