holy shit am i in a black mood this morning. it took some herculean effort to get kiddo to school, and now i'm at work and trying to force myself out of the pit with music. closed my eyes and scrolled down my tunes and clicked something randomly. the winner:
now playing: Queen - A Day At The Races - You Take My Breath Away [188kbps|4:40]
this album came out the month and year i was born. for all its majesty, does it matter? is the goal to change another's life? what good does that do, when they keep moving towards their inevitable end. our only contribution is to trip them along the way. and they almost always get back up.
i'm so tired of this ugly world. my ex has a new picture up of her and her new beau. he gets uglier with every picture, and so does she. maybe she was right to leave me, i hate myself, how could someone else ever love that? to be honest, i don't feel like starting all that shit over again, not even for a second, and yet loneliness pulls inexorably at me. i want to rip out the longing and step on it. this is all so goddamn pointless. escapes haven't helped. i have more and more each day. video games, music, work, etc. does anyone think travel would help? it has nothing to do with where i'm at physically. i could be at the top of everest, but what's the point when i'm a husk, a shadow, a ghost?
