Slept late this morning
Kiddo actually woke before me
First time in a long time for that
Today is a team building exercise
Off we head to a ball game
I'm sure it will be very exciting
Not really motivated to write
Finished a song yesterday
Just in time to write another
20110616
20110615
20110615
The pictures were anathema
A hideous recoiling from shock
Curvaceous detriment to manhood
Everything was out of proportion
Embarrassing piece of humanity
An outcast requested a respite
The camera gave no quarter
After all the running, the work
These pictures made a mockery
Though they are true nature
Their honesty is a bitter pill
A pill which I must now swallow
Continue down the solitary path
So lace up your shoes yet again
Pretend you're making progress
And make it a reality for others
You still have time, you know
Every iota of attention has me
On my knees swearing fealty
The girl on the run this morning
Asked me "are we there yet?"
I answered "we're getting there"
And it was the truth
A hideous recoiling from shock
Curvaceous detriment to manhood
Everything was out of proportion
Embarrassing piece of humanity
An outcast requested a respite
The camera gave no quarter
After all the running, the work
These pictures made a mockery
Though they are true nature
Their honesty is a bitter pill
A pill which I must now swallow
Continue down the solitary path
So lace up your shoes yet again
Pretend you're making progress
And make it a reality for others
You still have time, you know
Every iota of attention has me
On my knees swearing fealty
The girl on the run this morning
Asked me "are we there yet?"
I answered "we're getting there"
And it was the truth
20110614
20110614
Time for a pre-flight check
Lament the safety of the nest
A final glance at familiarity
Molt again to preserve change
Escape these bonds before you
Spread both wings and capture it
The sky is yours for the asking
Migrate south to change course
A slow flight towards the horizon
Pines, oaks undulate underneath
A well rehearsed dance for all
Only the fallen can't join in
Spy the sheen of solar diamonds
A thousand thousand streams
Deflecting those cosmic rays
With love and deference
Life springs forth in harmony
Such activity at the surface
But I'm well above all that now
Beating my wings as mom taught
No destination but why worry
Keep it undefined, the best plan
Find out when you get there
Until then, just enjoy the flight
Just be content with the journey
It has its own reward, you'll see
Every day is simply a checkpoint
You are safe, high in the sky
A voice echoes forth from above:
"what I used to be
will pass away
and then you'll see
that all I want now
is happiness for you and me"
That's good enough for now
Lament the safety of the nest
A final glance at familiarity
Molt again to preserve change
Escape these bonds before you
Spread both wings and capture it
The sky is yours for the asking
Migrate south to change course
A slow flight towards the horizon
Pines, oaks undulate underneath
A well rehearsed dance for all
Only the fallen can't join in
Spy the sheen of solar diamonds
A thousand thousand streams
Deflecting those cosmic rays
With love and deference
Life springs forth in harmony
Such activity at the surface
But I'm well above all that now
Beating my wings as mom taught
No destination but why worry
Keep it undefined, the best plan
Find out when you get there
Until then, just enjoy the flight
Just be content with the journey
It has its own reward, you'll see
Every day is simply a checkpoint
You are safe, high in the sky
A voice echoes forth from above:
"what I used to be
will pass away
and then you'll see
that all I want now
is happiness for you and me"
That's good enough for now
20110613
20110613-2
The phone is silent, no surprise
Swept away by hourglass eyes
Comfort and trouble, such a pair
Taken to task, brought to bear
Wear it well, this Viking crown
What goes around never comes around
Happy days right down the toilet
I'd give it away but why spoil it
Swept away by hourglass eyes
Comfort and trouble, such a pair
Taken to task, brought to bear
Wear it well, this Viking crown
What goes around never comes around
Happy days right down the toilet
I'd give it away but why spoil it
20110613
Everything will be alright, you'll see
The common thread was me
You only did what you thought was right
Driving in reverse towards hindsight
Relegated because of a flaw
A shadow dances on madness's maw
Impotent but trying to fix this split
A puzzle wherein none of the pieces fit
Cautious of closeness, growing to see
The common thread was me
Change is such a lonely place
Admit the truth just to save face
All I wanted was to feel a little better
Where lives a debt there lies a debtor
It comes when you least expect
Never courageous never direct
Nothing ever comes for free
The common thread is me
How many words set it off
Which words cost you it all
First one step then the others
With each step, you'll discover
Kindred spirits in shadows joined
Who won't deceive a heart purloined
So cast it off, win some lose some
Go off and build your own martyrdom
I'll be okay, though I'm sad you won't see
The common thread was me
The common thread was me
You only did what you thought was right
Driving in reverse towards hindsight
Relegated because of a flaw
A shadow dances on madness's maw
Impotent but trying to fix this split
A puzzle wherein none of the pieces fit
Cautious of closeness, growing to see
The common thread was me
Change is such a lonely place
Admit the truth just to save face
All I wanted was to feel a little better
Where lives a debt there lies a debtor
It comes when you least expect
Never courageous never direct
Nothing ever comes for free
The common thread is me
How many words set it off
Which words cost you it all
First one step then the others
With each step, you'll discover
Kindred spirits in shadows joined
Who won't deceive a heart purloined
So cast it off, win some lose some
Go off and build your own martyrdom
I'll be okay, though I'm sad you won't see
The common thread was me
20110612
20110612
m spent the night at my bro's with her cousin, a 10yr old boy. they get along and then fight like cats and dogs but it's really good for both of them to hang out, being only children and all.
and so i get to run this morning, finally.
i feel like i disappointed a friend yesterday. and i know i maybe shouldn't feel that way, but i do. i had two beers for the first time in a while last night (my brother handed me glasses with the beer already poured while i was working on his computer problems), and it threw me for a loop so i crashed early. anyway it's time to run them off before it's sweltering.
Amazing dream. I was at a huge party and m was out playing with her friends. This girl comes up to me and grabs me from behind, and I ask "who dat is" and she laughs and asks why I talk like that. I'm embarrassed because I'd thought it was one of my friends grabbing me, but she was cool. I sat down with her and two of her friends on this couch thing with wheels that was moving. She gave me her number and I fumbled with my phone while she laughed.
We got off the couch and I saw two girls I'd known in elementary school who didn't recognize me. We only talked for a sec but when I turned around the girl had vanished.
I panicked and found my friends, but they were leaving. On the way out some other girl comes up and gives me (and my friends) these bags from the girl who liked me, with a couple of geek books each as gifts, and there was a note for me. I remember I have her number and smile, and tell my friends I'm going back for m and thats where I woke up. I wish I could have read the note before I woke up.
and so i get to run this morning, finally.
i feel like i disappointed a friend yesterday. and i know i maybe shouldn't feel that way, but i do. i had two beers for the first time in a while last night (my brother handed me glasses with the beer already poured while i was working on his computer problems), and it threw me for a loop so i crashed early. anyway it's time to run them off before it's sweltering.
Amazing dream. I was at a huge party and m was out playing with her friends. This girl comes up to me and grabs me from behind, and I ask "who dat is" and she laughs and asks why I talk like that. I'm embarrassed because I'd thought it was one of my friends grabbing me, but she was cool. I sat down with her and two of her friends on this couch thing with wheels that was moving. She gave me her number and I fumbled with my phone while she laughed.
We got off the couch and I saw two girls I'd known in elementary school who didn't recognize me. We only talked for a sec but when I turned around the girl had vanished.
I panicked and found my friends, but they were leaving. On the way out some other girl comes up and gives me (and my friends) these bags from the girl who liked me, with a couple of geek books each as gifts, and there was a note for me. I remember I have her number and smile, and tell my friends I'm going back for m and thats where I woke up. I wish I could have read the note before I woke up.
20110611
20110611-2
It's eleven eleven, so make a wish
Another lie courtesy of the bitch
The missing piece is left content
A missing peace already spent
The worst part is feeling snubbed
Uninvited, kicked from the club
The ultimate incarnation of that
Losing your love at the drop of a hat
The few with keys talk of therapies
But the problem starts and ends with me
Do I think I'll ever figure it out
I think, I hope, I wish apart.
Another lie courtesy of the bitch
The missing piece is left content
A missing peace already spent
The worst part is feeling snubbed
Uninvited, kicked from the club
The ultimate incarnation of that
Losing your love at the drop of a hat
The few with keys talk of therapies
But the problem starts and ends with me
Do I think I'll ever figure it out
I think, I hope, I wish apart.
20110611
1am. up. crying. can't go back to sleep. elliott in ears via phone.
saw a beautiful girl on fb and was entranced. then i saw her wedding album. and something about that made me tear up. maybe remembering the sheer joy of it all. cheeks literally sore from smiling too much in one day. been awhile since i've had a good cry. i'm such a woman.
got a broken heart, and your name on my cast.
saw a beautiful girl on fb and was entranced. then i saw her wedding album. and something about that made me tear up. maybe remembering the sheer joy of it all. cheeks literally sore from smiling too much in one day. been awhile since i've had a good cry. i'm such a woman.
got a broken heart, and your name on my cast.
20110610
20110610
First dream was the standard breakup saga with the ex.. To say I have grown tired of that dream would be an understatement of epic proportions. The only plus is that in these past months the antagonist guy has changed three times, as my ex changes guys, so at least it keeps the dream interesting. The second dream is another one I've had before. There is someone with a gun who is going crazy and I dive into this cupboard type thing and there is a secret passage I have to crawl through to safety. But there's another passage that's blocked off, and for some reason I keep trying to clear it away.
Anyway I'm up and our company picnic is today at noon. There is usually a volleyball game and if I don't chicken out and stay at work with the Microsoft guys, I will probably join in. I have only been able to run once this week, so I've been in a black mood (what else is new).
I have written about 50 songs since she moved out, and recorded the better ones out to soundcloud.
Oh, one other thing: my student loan was sold to another company last month. It irritated me because I have used the same company since I got the loans back in the 90s, and so instead of paying the usual payment I wrote them a check for my entire balance. Sorta passive aggressive, but whatevs. So I'm mid 30s and student loan debt is finally toast. I probably could have had it paid off years ago if I hadn't been tossing most of my money into a bottomless vagina, but that's done so fuck it. Harsh? Bitter? Yeah probably. Divorce changes people. Deal with it!
Anyway I'm up and our company picnic is today at noon. There is usually a volleyball game and if I don't chicken out and stay at work with the Microsoft guys, I will probably join in. I have only been able to run once this week, so I've been in a black mood (what else is new).
I have written about 50 songs since she moved out, and recorded the better ones out to soundcloud.
Oh, one other thing: my student loan was sold to another company last month. It irritated me because I have used the same company since I got the loans back in the 90s, and so instead of paying the usual payment I wrote them a check for my entire balance. Sorta passive aggressive, but whatevs. So I'm mid 30s and student loan debt is finally toast. I probably could have had it paid off years ago if I hadn't been tossing most of my money into a bottomless vagina, but that's done so fuck it. Harsh? Bitter? Yeah probably. Divorce changes people. Deal with it!
20110609
20110609
Scripture's saint, rumor's demon
Traded blows with another heathen
Cheated just to settle the score
Opened a window to death's door
War and chaos, a meteoric rise
Brought peace and truth to a nation of lies
Crafted a throne out of regret
Though the kingdom doesn't know it yet
Truly it has become a sight to behold
Creased and careworn and seeming so old
But somehow the prophecies went awry
This monarch might ne'er learn how to fly
Peek and poke the royal scales
Scared to succeed, scared to fail
Traded blows with another heathen
Cheated just to settle the score
Opened a window to death's door
War and chaos, a meteoric rise
Brought peace and truth to a nation of lies
Crafted a throne out of regret
Though the kingdom doesn't know it yet
Truly it has become a sight to behold
Creased and careworn and seeming so old
But somehow the prophecies went awry
This monarch might ne'er learn how to fly
Peek and poke the royal scales
Scared to succeed, scared to fail
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