The things I say to myself:
"there is no point"
"there is no hope"
"I hate my life"
I guess I never realized how unhappy I was in this marriage. The truth is that I'm out of her league and everyone knew it but me. If that sounds conceited, so be it, but I think her actions and reactions have proven it time and time again. The real reason she is leaving is because she doesn't want to be part of a family anymore. She doesn't know what she wants, but she knows what she doesn't want. Us. I wonder if she has a lifetime worth of shame or if after a year she'll try to come back. I have to be strong, stronger than I've ever been, to get through this. And after I am done with that process, it is quite likely that I'll no longer love her, and that is terrible, but maybe it is the best outcome. Right now I just feel like I cannot do this right on my own, and her help isn't worth much of anything.
