CHEAT DAY, FUCK CALORIES
Lunch: ham, more ham, deviled eggs(3), cole slaw, ravioli (6), small piece of cake, pineapple chunks
Dinner: half portion of chicken, cottage cheese
Snack: almonds
Easter Sunday at the bro's church. Rainy at first but it cleared off. A freezer door fell on moms arm. My siblings discussed morbid shit about mom and dad. We joked a lot and watched some basketball, then tossed some basketball afterwards .
Middle brother absent.
No pictures.
Kiddos with my folks tomorrow because school is out and I need to work.
I hope I get to run. Praying for a woman to come sweep me off my feet as well. Think the running may actually happen though.
20130331
20130330
20130330
| meal | food(s) | cal | carbs(g) | protein |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| lunch | favorite chicken salad | 800 | 55 | 38 |
| dinner | chicken strips, cottage cheese | 900 | 60 | 90 |
| snack | moar chikin | 300 | 5 | 17 |
| total | 2000 | 120 | 145 |
Barbell Squat:
45 lb x 5 reps (+36 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
Barbell Deadlift:
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
275 lb x 3 reps (+136 pts)
275 lb x 3 reps (+136 pts)
315 lb x 1 reps (+121 pts)
315 lb x 1 reps (+121 pts)
Kroc Rows:
40 lb x 30 reps (+42 pts)
40 lb x 20 reps (+38 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+34 pts)
Push-Up:
30 reps (+45 pts)
Dumbbell Side Bend:
40 lb x 10 reps (+30 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+30 pts)
20130329
20130329
lunch: chicken cobb salad at trolley stop
dinner: salmon croquettes (3), lima beans, crowder peas
snack: peanut butter
tired and full, will figure out calories later
dinner: salmon croquettes (3), lima beans, crowder peas
snack: peanut butter
tired and full, will figure out calories later
20130328
20130328
ran 5k today.
napped after work. kiddo's with mom.
the girl is not dating. i'm not living.
Running:
0:32:39 || 5 km || flat (+301 pts)
Barbell Bench Press:
45 lb x 5 reps (+36 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
Dips - Triceps Version:
5 reps (+34 pts)
5 reps (+34 pts)
5 reps (+34 pts)
napped after work. kiddo's with mom.
the girl is not dating. i'm not living.
| meal | food(s) | cal | carbs(g) | protein |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| lunch | chicken strips, cottage cheese | 900 | 60 | 90 |
| dinner | protein shake w/almonds and banana | 550 | 6 | 48 |
| snack | sausage | 210 | 0 | 8 |
| total | 1660 | 66 | 146 |
Running:
0:32:39 || 5 km || flat (+301 pts)
Barbell Bench Press:
45 lb x 5 reps (+36 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
Dips - Triceps Version:
5 reps (+34 pts)
5 reps (+34 pts)
5 reps (+34 pts)
20130327
20130327
| meal | food(s) | cal | carbs(g) | protein |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| lunch | half chicken, rice, sweet potatoes | 550 | 18 | 70 |
| dinner | protein shake w/bar and banana | 550 | 6 | 48 |
| total | 1100 | 24 | 118 |
will finish later, feel like utter shit, lying down
no workout #2, fuck
20130326
20130326
It's curious to me that people tout the separation of church and state and decoupling of religion from education, yet demand continued, increasing involvement from the government on marriage, a construct rooted in religion from time immemorial.
Instead of bickering like pawns in front of our apparent judicial masters, wouldn't it be nice to remove government interference on marriage, and our relationships in general?
Just my 2c.
no workout. nap. kiddo didn't read, she watched tv. i am a horrible father.
cold and dreary. an elliott day for sure. performance eval tomorrow.
Instead of bickering like pawns in front of our apparent judicial masters, wouldn't it be nice to remove government interference on marriage, and our relationships in general?
Just my 2c.
| meal | food(s) | cal | carbs(g) | protein |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| lunch | chicken strips, cottage cheese | 900 | 60 | 90 |
| dinner | favorite chicken salad | 800 | 55 | 38 |
| total | 1700 | 115 | 128 |
no workout. nap. kiddo didn't read, she watched tv. i am a horrible father.
cold and dreary. an elliott day for sure. performance eval tomorrow.
20130325
20130325
monday. this is how i like to play it.
Barbell Squat:
45 lb x 5 reps (+36 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
245 lb x 5 reps (+138 pts)
old amon amarth
Front Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
145 lb x 5 reps (+70 pts)
145 lb x 5 reps (+70 pts)
165 lb x 5 reps (+80 pts)
Kroc Rows:
30 lb x 40 reps (+43 pts)
30 lb x 30 reps (+40 pts)
30 lb x 20 reps (+36 pts)
30 lb x 10 reps (+32 pts)
Dumbbell Side Bend:
40 lb x 10 reps (+30 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+30 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+30 pts)
Standing Dumbbell Triceps Extension:
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
| meal | food(s) | cal | carbs(g) | protein |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| lunch | bar chicken salad | 700 | 45 | 35 |
| dinner | chicken strips, cottage cheese, lima beans | 980 | 70 | 90 |
| snack | hard-boiled egg | 70 | 0 | 6 |
| total | 1750 | 105 | 131 |
Barbell Squat:
45 lb x 5 reps (+36 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
245 lb x 5 reps (+138 pts)
old amon amarth
Front Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
145 lb x 5 reps (+70 pts)
145 lb x 5 reps (+70 pts)
165 lb x 5 reps (+80 pts)
Kroc Rows:
30 lb x 40 reps (+43 pts)
30 lb x 30 reps (+40 pts)
30 lb x 20 reps (+36 pts)
30 lb x 10 reps (+32 pts)
Dumbbell Side Bend:
40 lb x 10 reps (+30 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+30 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+30 pts)
Standing Dumbbell Triceps Extension:
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
20130324
20130324
palm sunday. palms obtained.
Been lying in this room
Making it my tomb
Wondering what to do
For an hour or two
| meal | food(s) | cal | carbs(g) | protein |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| lunch | favorite chicken salad (by restaurant) | 800 | 55 | 38 |
| dinner | favorite chicken salad (by mom) | 800 | 55 | 38 |
| total | 1600 | 110 | 76 |
Been lying in this room
Making it my tomb
Wondering what to do
For an hour or two
20130323
20130323
no kiddo this morning. played a little dark souls and then..
cleaned the entire house all day until literally the moment bitchface dropped her off (5pm). yeah, she was supposed to have her all weekend but only ended up keeping her one night.
she went to Graceland with some girl scout friends and it was a dreary weekend, but it turned out for the best because i didn't really want/need to leave the house.
total clean-fest. threw out a bunch of old shit, vacuumed, did the laundry, went through the mail, cleaned the dishes, etc etc.
made some stew on the crockpot and that was essentially all i ate all day.
cleaned the entire house all day until literally the moment bitchface dropped her off (5pm). yeah, she was supposed to have her all weekend but only ended up keeping her one night.
she went to Graceland with some girl scout friends and it was a dreary weekend, but it turned out for the best because i didn't really want/need to leave the house.
total clean-fest. threw out a bunch of old shit, vacuumed, did the laundry, went through the mail, cleaned the dishes, etc etc.
made some stew on the crockpot and that was essentially all i ate all day.
| meal | food(s) | cal | carbs(g) | protein |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| lunch/dinner | beef stew crockpot (soup mix/diced tom/whole tom/chili starter/meat) | 1500 | 120 | 133 |
| snack | protein shake | 400 | 5 | 50 |
| total | 1900 | 125 | 183 |
20130322
20130322
accountability appears to be a good thing. so far.
Barbell Deadlift:
135 lb x 10 reps (+77 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
275 lb x 3 reps (+136 pts)
275 lb x 3 reps (+136 pts)
275 lb x 3 reps (+136 pts)
Front Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
Kroc Rows:
30 lb x 30 reps (+40 pts)
30 lb x 30 reps (+40 pts)
30 lb x 40 reps (+43 pts)
| meal | food(s) | cal | carbs(g) | protein |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| lunch | rainbow trout, rice, sweet potatoes | 400 | 40 | 40 |
| dinner | fish sticks, broccoli, rice | 600 | 50 | 20 |
| post-workout | protein shake (with bar) | 400 | 26 | 50 |
| snack | hard-boiled egg (2) | 140 | 0 | 12 |
| total | 1540 | 116 | 122 |
Barbell Deadlift:
135 lb x 10 reps (+77 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
275 lb x 3 reps (+136 pts)
275 lb x 3 reps (+136 pts)
275 lb x 3 reps (+136 pts)
Front Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
Kroc Rows:
30 lb x 30 reps (+40 pts)
30 lb x 30 reps (+40 pts)
30 lb x 40 reps (+43 pts)
20130321
20130321
march madness. may lift tonight if i'm feeling it.
Barbell Squat:
45 lb x 10 reps (+42 pts)
135 lb x 10 reps (+77 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
Kroc Rows:
40 lb x 20 reps (+38 pts)
30 lb x 30 reps (+40 pts)
30 lb x 30 reps (+40 pts)
Dumbbell Side Bend:
40 lb x 10 reps (+30 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+30 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+30 pts)
Standing Dumbbell Triceps Extension:
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
| meal | food(s) | cal | carbs(g) | protein |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| lunch | mahi mahi, rice, sweet potatoes | 400 | 40 | 40 |
| dinner | chicken strips salad | 600 | 30 | 40 |
| snack | uncrustable (1/2) | 100 | 14 | 3 |
| total | 1100 | 84 | 83 |
Barbell Squat:
45 lb x 10 reps (+42 pts)
135 lb x 10 reps (+77 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
Kroc Rows:
40 lb x 20 reps (+38 pts)
30 lb x 30 reps (+40 pts)
30 lb x 30 reps (+40 pts)
Dumbbell Side Bend:
40 lb x 10 reps (+30 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+30 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+30 pts)
Standing Dumbbell Triceps Extension:
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
40 lb x 10 reps (+20 pts)
20130320
20130320
wrote kiddo's teacher about some bullying going on and got a somewhat terse but helpful response that she had spoken to the little fucktard bothering her.
rest day.
rest day.
| meal | food(s) | cal | carbs(g) | protein |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| lunch | half chicken, asparagus, sweet potatoes | 550 | 18 | 70 |
| dinner | favorite chicken salad | 800 | 55 | 38 |
| snack | eggo waffle (brown sugar cinnamon roll) | 125 | 20 | 2 |
| total | 1370 | 93 | 110 |
20130319
20130319
still here? why?
running: 2mi, 19min
Running:
0:19:12 || 2 mi || flat (+199 pts)
Barbell Bench Press:
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
running: 2mi, 19min
| meal | food(s) | cal | carbs(g) | protein |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| lunch | protein shake w/coffee | 300 | 6 | 48 |
| dinner | chicken, lima beans | 700 | 20 | 45 |
| snack | jerky | 300 | 10 | 45 |
| snack #2 | uncrustable | 200 | 25 | 6 |
| total | 1500 | 61 | 144 |
Running:
0:19:12 || 2 mi || flat (+199 pts)
Barbell Bench Press:
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+121 pts)
20130312
20130312-2
gave up. felt good.
plenty of people never date again.
plenty of people are fat and happy.
plenty of people go about their lives.
my kid hates her mom.
i have worst case scenarios flying through my head from morning till night.
every day is unending sameness waiting for the other shoe to drop down on top of me.
plenty of people never date again.
plenty of people are fat and happy.
plenty of people go about their lives.
my kid hates her mom.
i have worst case scenarios flying through my head from morning till night.
every day is unending sameness waiting for the other shoe to drop down on top of me.
20130307
20130307
crawled in bed at 9pm. it's now 12:30am. still can't sleep. too many things too many things too many things.
wrote one verse of a song. it's hopeful. am i? i don't know what i am. my shoulder hurts and my leg hurts and i can't put up a fight right now. i can only be. and being is not enough.
if i could flush all of my negativity down the drain, what would i have? would i be recognizable? would i like myself?
and then there's that damned girl. another museum piece. not until my fat disappears. will it ever? probably not.
sleep attempt #3.
wrote one verse of a song. it's hopeful. am i? i don't know what i am. my shoulder hurts and my leg hurts and i can't put up a fight right now. i can only be. and being is not enough.
if i could flush all of my negativity down the drain, what would i have? would i be recognizable? would i like myself?
and then there's that damned girl. another museum piece. not until my fat disappears. will it ever? probably not.
sleep attempt #3.
20130305
20130304
amazing how that dead limb continues to scratch. I've come so far, only to find it caught firmly on my leg, pulling at me with every step. eventually I'll realize the infection has cut too deep, and it's simply too late.
I ran so hard today, but it's never quite good enough. For a person rooted in self hatred, every mirror shatters the illusion of progress, the glamor of future peacefulness, the mirage of a happy ending.
I'm sore.. sick and tired of the routine of sameness. Squandering myself on mundanity, relinquishing control to a furtive, languid deity. The workplace. Like so many cogs have slipped and caught in the inevitable machine of mediocrity, and I'm no better.
I could have been a better husband. Could still be a better father, a better man. Instead, I'll wish and dream and glance at those smiling female faces like I'm seeing them through glass at a museum: observing, documenting, and ultimately moving to the next display.
They won't wait forever. But I will.
A failure.
I ran so hard today, but it's never quite good enough. For a person rooted in self hatred, every mirror shatters the illusion of progress, the glamor of future peacefulness, the mirage of a happy ending.
I'm sore.. sick and tired of the routine of sameness. Squandering myself on mundanity, relinquishing control to a furtive, languid deity. The workplace. Like so many cogs have slipped and caught in the inevitable machine of mediocrity, and I'm no better.
I could have been a better husband. Could still be a better father, a better man. Instead, I'll wish and dream and glance at those smiling female faces like I'm seeing them through glass at a museum: observing, documenting, and ultimately moving to the next display.
They won't wait forever. But I will.
A failure.
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