20120630

two miles this morning, followed by more cleaning. getting kiddo back at around 5.

tanned for 30 min total without sunscreen. i'm a morans.

time to lift again and then read. or if the lifting doesn't pan out, i guess i'll go straight to reading and not collect $200.

breakfast: oatmeal
lunch: homemade chicken soup
dinner:

20120629

lunch: chicken, cottage cheese, protein shake
dinner: newk's favorite salad
later: oatmeal

HOT. kiddo went with bitchface today, i get her back tomorrow.

i am in love with shoulder presses. thumbless grip has increased my overhead power a bunch.

watched logan's run and some of beatles anthology (it's nine discs, sooo). read some of franco columbu's book. fantastic stuff.

20120628

lunch: burger, sweet pot fries
dinner: chix, veg
also: oatmeal

20120627

no energy for lifting. finished "ready player one" last night.

lunch: hell i dunno, chicken i guess

told fb about my album.. no response. great.

---

ex: i'm still working out playdate plans. ask her if there is anything specific she'd like to do this wkend....keeping in mind that outdoor activities are not an option with the heat index as it is.

me: i told her last night and she has told me repeatedly "i refuse to go"

ex: she is not the decision maker.

me: i'm just telling you what she said. that's why i said earlier that this weekend is probably not a good idea.

ex: the less she comes the less she's going to want to come she needs to come this weekend because i won't see her again for a month.

me: so you'd subject her to this visit against her will?

ex: she never wants to come p! why should this week be any different? if we never make her do things she doesn't want to do, she never will come.

me: i would really like to take her to church so how about Friday to Saturday

ex: if you want to come get her...

me: you're still focused on teaching her a lesson, instead of genuinely being there for her when she needs you. even after all these years, it's still all about you. how disappointing. from now on, don't do this pre-visit "what does she want to do" nonsense every time. you should know your kid well enough to have an idea what she'd like to do by this point.

me: why don't you plan an outing or a playdate this weekend and take her for a few hours, so the tension of the overnight stuff is out of the picture and she feels more comfortable with you in her own environment

ex: we switched so she could go out of town with you on her weekend with me... she can either come this weekend or next. Her choice

20120626

FUCK BITCHFACE. blood pressure is going nuts today.

lunch: grouper, asparagus, zucchini
dinner: bbq and cottage cheese

"thought control can never work"
that's just what they tell you to think

20120625

lunch: chicken and cottage cheese, no proteins today, vitamins and omega 3 tho
dinner: salad, chicken, chili

she put on a dirty shirt this morning and we didn't realize until i'd dropped her off. initially i said nope deal with it i'm going into work, then halfway to work i thought better of it and got her a substitute shirt. she hugged me so tight i thought i was going to pop when i showed up at camp.

worked a half day.

took kiddo to the dentist this afternoon. no cavities, sealants completed.

fixed my brake light. i'm a morans. replaced the wrong bulb. my dad laughed hard.

christ it was hot. i considered discussing how my parents deal with the loss of their parents, which is an interesting conversation one could have with ones parents, but i did not have it. i might at some point.

she snored on the drive home. i wrote a new little guitar piece. needs words. don't they all.

20120624

lunch: protein shake, some chicken
dinner: a fuckton of homemade chili/soup/stew/whatever

Running:
0:20:02 || 2 mi (+188 pts)
Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 10 reps (+68 pts)
185 lb x 9 reps (+93 pts)
185 lb x 9 reps (+93 pts)
185 lb x 9 reps (+93 pts)
185 lb x 9 reps (+93 pts)
deload

20120623

all three albums copyrighted. fantastic.

mowed the backyard sans shirt.

lunch: a piece of chicken, and a protein shake
dinner: steak and sweet potato

20120622

lunch: half chicken, rice, asparagus
dinner: yeah. chicken.

20120621

lunch: chicken. of various types. and benchpressing.
dinner: newk's favorite salad

20120620

lunch: grilled chicken salad
dinner: scrambled eggs and bacon omfgsofull

20120619

fuck i had the wrong day entirely.

lunch: chicken and cottage cheese
dinner: grilled chicken philly

talked with a real life girl today. and it went well.

Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 5 reps (+57 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
Barbell Deadlift:
135 lb x 10 reps (+68 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
275 lb x 5 reps (+148 pts)
275 lb x 5 reps (+148 pts)
275 lb x 5 reps (+148 pts)
295 lb x 3 reps (+136 pts)
305 lb x 2 reps (+123 pts)
305 lb x 1 reps (+99 pts)
Romanian Deadlift:
135 lb x 5 reps (+52 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+72 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+72 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+72 pts)
Standing Barbell Shoulder Press:
135 lb x 1 reps (+49 pts)

20120618

lunch: leftover bbq
dinner 1: oatmeal
dinner 2: chicken
dinner 3: oatmeal

20120617

what is it about the death of my parents that scares me so much? i am obsessed with it. i mean, i just spent half a day with both of them, and it's like i want more. i want to move back home almost. perhaps it's that feeling of complete comfort. that feeling of home. this place that bitchface and i bought is nothing more than a facade of her divising for a future that never happened. i wish i could sell it.

helped my dad put a basketball goal up today.

it was hot, but kiddo and i played outside after i'd gotten my energy back.

lunch: chicken, apples & pb
dinner: bbq, baked beans, slaw

i had a brownie at mom's.

no workout.

mowed the grass first thing, then off to mass, then hung out for a bit before heading down. ended up just being my oldest brother. the oldest and the youngest. sis is in cali for a niece's college graduation, and the other two brothers had backaches.

they need to lift weights.

20120616

umm.. i need more dreams like that first one last night

lunch: grilled chicken and broccoli
dinner: newk's ultimate salad, bleu cheese

i keep wishing at 11:11 but they never come true

another anti-social social event

Barbell Bench Press:
135 lb x 10 reps (+77 pts)
135 lb x 10 reps (+77 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
Standing Barbell Shoulder Press:
45 lb x 10 reps (+58 pts)
95 lb x 5 reps (+69 pts)
95 lb x 5 reps (+69 pts)
95 lb x 5 reps (+69 pts)
105 lb x 5 reps (+74 pts)
105 lb x 5 reps (+74 pts)
115 lb x 5 reps (+79 pts)
Chin-Up:
5 reps (+34 pts)
5 reps (+34 pts)
Snatch:
95 lb x 5 reps (+69 pts)
95 lb x 5 reps (+69 pts)
95 lb x 5 reps (+69 pts)

20120615

lunch: newk's favorite salad
dinner: a few fish sticks and veggies
later: a protein shake

really didnt eat that much. benched and watched a movie with kiddo.

now i'm up at 4:30 AM because of.. well... loneliness in essence i guess

whew

Barbell Deadlift:
135 lb x 10 reps (+68 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
275 lb x 5 reps (+148 pts)
275 lb x 5 reps (+148 pts)
295 lb x 3 reps (+136 pts)
295 lb x 3 reps (+136 pts)
Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 10 reps (+68 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+57 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
knee felt a bit wonky, switched to deads
Chin-Up:
5 reps (+34 pts)
5 reps (+34 pts)
5 reps (+34 pts)

20120614

lunch: chicken mayo and pickles
dinner: 5 eggs scrambled
later: oatmeal

kroger after swim school

20120613

lunch: triggerfish, asparagus, broccoli
dinner: grilled beef salad
later: protein bar.. inexplicably at midnight... sleepeating.... fuuuuuck

20120612

lunch: grilled chicken salad
dinner: bacon and eggs
also: apple and pb

feeling fat and gross. possibly because i'm fat and gross.

20120611

lunch: steakhouse burger, sweet potato fries
dinner: bacon and leftover meat from kiddo's sammich, a few pieces of avocado

20120610

lunch: newk's ultimate salad minus
dinner: chicken and asparagus

got kiddo back. it's amazing how giddy i get when i know she's about to come home. bitchface was oddly cordial. i can only assume she's up to something.

fixed up some pops and chairfarts in some of my songs.

pounding headache. frack.

20120609

lunch: three egg omelet and protein shake (banana, pb, no milk)
dinner: homemade crockpot soup, best yet, yum! secret recipe: stew meat, mexican stewed tomatoes, mild rotel, frozen soup mix, black beans, cumin, a little bit of cinnamon
later: oatmeal

Cycling:
1:03:00 || 13.5 mi (+344 pts)

painted my shutters. whew.

20120608

lunch: grilled chicken salad
dinner: chicken and cottage cheese
later: oatmeal

totally depressed and demotivated, just slept a bunch basically. no recording. no nothing.

let's try this again tomorrow...

20120607

lunch: chicken and cottage cheese
dinner: hot dogs and sauerkraut

good lord lost girl was terrible this week.

20120606

lunch: half chicken, rice, asparagus
dinner: chicken philly salad, chicken, also some chicken
later: some cheerios and a protein shake + banana

Barbell Bench Press:
135 lb x 10 reps (+77 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 3 reps (+74 pts)
195 lb x 3 reps (+79 pts)
195 lb x 3 reps (+79 pts)
205 lb x 3 reps (+85 pts)
205 lb x 3 reps (+85 pts)
205 lb x 3 reps (+85 pts)
on shuffle: AC/DC - High Voltage, AC/DC - Powerage, Black Sabbath - Sabotage
Barbell Shrug:
135 lb x 10 reps (+29 pts)
225 lb x 10 reps (+53 pts)
295 lb x 5 reps (+72 pts)
315 lb x 5 reps (+83 pts)
Romanian Deadlift:
135 lb x 5 reps (+52 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+52 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+72 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+72 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+72 pts)
Seated Cable Row:
120 lb x 10 reps (+37 pts)
140 lb x 5 reps (+36 pts)
150 lb x 5 reps (+39 pts)
Plank:
60 sec (+21 pts)
60 sec (+21 pts)
30 sec (+10 pts)
30 sec (+10 pts)

20120605

lunch: chicken
dinner: hamburger and veggies
later: protein oatmeal

took her to the park. got to hear bitchface's boyfriend yelling at bitchface over the phone, while bitchface was unaware. it was an enjoyable little snippet into their life.

was feeling depressed so i wrote about it. it'll stay locked away most likely. it doesn't do to dwell on mortality, but such is my lot in life.

20120604

dropped her off at camp this morning. good stuff.

discovering melodies is like catching fireflies: you have two choices.

lunch: grilled chicken salad
dinner: tuna, pickles, beef and broccoli frozen dinner
later: some cheerios

spent a bunch at kroger's.

20120603

took her to church this morning and learned her kindergarten teacher had passed overnight. texted bitchface and although it started out benign, she then hit me with:

ex: well, i will be able to get there Friday around 4:30 or so to get her. I want her to come, but I want her to want to come and have a good time and not be upset. I know you're trying to make sure she knows she can call you, but it makes it hard for us when she knows she can just come home. I would prefer for it not to be an option for her when she is here-- we can have fun and have a good time, and she has to be ok with being away from you, whether it's with me or my family or whatever. I'm not pointing any fingers or saying you are doing anything wrong... I'm just asking that, before she comes, you maybe talk to her about being a big girl and having fun while she's here.

me: I never told her I would come and get her, I only told you. I had to cancel my plans last week because of all this. I spent a lot of time and energy over the years trying to help foster a bond between you two which broke at some point.. unfortunately, it never happened. it is unthinkable to me that a child wouldn't want to spend time with her parent.. you have no greater responsibility in your life than to fix it. Unfortunately, I can't help anymore, I had to move on for her well being and my sanity. She must always know she can talk to me.

ex: I don't want her to not be able to talk to you-- she told us that you have told her she can come home if she doesn't feel good or gets scared. I swear to you that is what she has told us. I don't want her calling when she's freaking out and upset, I try to calm her down and get her to rationalize it first. That wouldn't happen last week, and she kept getting upset. I don't want her like that. I'm sorry you had to cancel plans last week-- I really am. I did not want her to go home... But more than that I don't want her upset like she was.

me: Nope, I try my best to cheer her up before she goes with you. I'm not trying to sabotage you, a. Whatever it is you've become, you'll always be her mom. You call me telling me I indulge her, and I wonder in this world who wouldn't be thankful I am the man I have become. I know she's thankful for it. You don't have to spend a single penny on her, you don't have to teach her a lesson, you just have to show her that you love her.. Love is the lesson.

lunch: chicken and omelet
dinner: ?? i had a protein shake.. i don't have much food left in the house.

depressed. bleh.

20120602

lessee. had weird ass dreams and woke up at 4am. was up until 6am, back down until about 9. parents showed around 9:30 with a pressure washer. i cleaned off my front porch and walkway and omg does it look 100x better. my dad pulled an old holly root out of the ground with his truck, and my mom cleaned up around the house.

after they left we hit the park for some hide-and-seek and soccer. i surprised myself by doing chin-ups and not feeling like crap.

drove over to tcby and got her a waffle cone, and then back to the house for some movies (nutcracker and .. my mom called to report that the sequel to phantom was on pbs, so we're watching that). somehow, i got a workout in while she was watching nutcracker.

oh yeah, we also played lightsaber battle and some other things. she had fish sticks and lima beans, and then a little oatmeal.

i did a little work on an old song randomly. it's song #65, and is a bit of an oddity and a challenge, in that its one of the only one of my songs with three full verses and a refrain without a recording, and i have almost no clue how the melody or guitar parts went (it's been over 10 years).

i fixed a chord in the refrain and really like the little intro to it, and some of it actually came back to me... although i may just reuse some of the ideas for another project. me and my projects.

lunch: canned chicken, cottage cheese
dinner: moar chicken, lima beans
later: protein shake

Barbell Bench Press:
135 lb x 10 reps (+77 pts)
185 lb x 8 reps (+105 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
185 lb x 5 reps (+92 pts)
205 lb x 3 reps (+85 pts)
205 lb x 3 reps (+85 pts)
Chin-Up:
5 reps (+34 pts)
4 reps (+25 pts)
4 reps (+25 pts)
4 reps (+25 pts)
Front Barbell Squat:
95 lb x 5 reps (+50 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)
135 lb x 5 reps (+66 pts)

20120601

kiddo slept in. we had a picnic down at the river, then drove over to the park and did the paddle boats (and fed some ducks). came home and i worked out. and now we're about to go back out to grab food because i'm just not cooking.

lunch: chicken and apple (picnic)
dinner: quesadilla explosion salad (minus tortillas) at chili's

oh and then we went to a baseball game.

and then i snacked a little and had some peanuts.

Barbell Squat:
135 lb x 6 reps (+61 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
225 lb x 5 reps (+106 pts)
275 lb x 1 reps (+81 pts)
275 lb x 1 reps (+81 pts)
275 lb x 1 reps (+81 pts)
Barbell Shrug:
135 lb x 10 reps (+29 pts)
225 lb x 10 reps (+53 pts)
315 lb x 5 reps (+83 pts)
315 lb x 5 reps (+83 pts)
315 lb x 5 reps (+83 pts)
315 lb x 5 reps (+83 pts)
Standing Barbell Shoulder Press:
95 lb x 5 reps (+69 pts)
105 lb x 5 reps (+74 pts)
115 lb x 5 reps (+79 pts)
105 lb x 5 reps (+74 pts)
95 lb x 5 reps (+69 pts)