took her to church this morning and learned her kindergarten teacher had passed overnight. texted bitchface and although it started out benign, she then hit me with:
ex: well, i will be able to get there Friday around 4:30 or so to get her. I want her to come, but I want her to want to come and have a good time and not be upset. I know you're trying to make sure she knows she can call you, but it makes it hard for us when she knows she can just come home. I would prefer for it not to be an option for her when she is here-- we can have fun and have a good time, and she has to be ok with being away from you, whether it's with me or my family or whatever. I'm not pointing any fingers or saying you are doing anything wrong... I'm just asking that, before she comes, you maybe talk to her about being a big girl and having fun while she's here.
me: I never told her I would come and get her, I only told you. I had to cancel my plans last week because of all this. I spent a lot of time and energy over the years trying to help foster a bond between you two which broke at some point.. unfortunately, it never happened. it is unthinkable to me that a child wouldn't want to spend time with her parent.. you have no greater responsibility in your life than to fix it. Unfortunately, I can't help anymore, I had to move on for her well being and my sanity. She must always know she can talk to me.
ex: I don't want her to not be able to talk to you-- she told us that you have told her she can come home if she doesn't feel good or gets scared. I swear to you that is what she has told us. I don't want her calling when she's freaking out and upset, I try to calm her down and get her to rationalize it first. That wouldn't happen last week, and she kept getting upset. I don't want her like that. I'm sorry you had to cancel plans last week-- I really am. I did not want her to go home... But more than that I don't want her upset like she was.
me: Nope, I try my best to cheer her up before she goes with you. I'm not trying to sabotage you, a. Whatever it is you've become, you'll always be her mom. You call me telling me I indulge her, and I wonder in this world who wouldn't be thankful I am the man I have become. I know she's thankful for it. You don't have to spend a single penny on her, you don't have to teach her a lesson, you just have to show her that you love her.. Love is the lesson.
lunch: chicken and omelet
dinner: ?? i had a protein shake.. i don't have much food left in the house.
depressed. bleh.
